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Black Friday 2014: Best Deals & Bargains

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Retailers across the nation are opening their doors earlier than ever ahead of Black Friday to get customers in the aisles. Here are some deals and bargains stores have unveiled for the biggest shopping day of the year:

  • Foot Locker: Extra 10 yards of laces with the purchase of any pair of Adidas basketball sneakers
  • Barnes & Noble: Baby changing station loose enough to be ripped off wall
  • San Diego Zoo: 30 percent discount on gorilla habitats
  • Pottery Barn: Buy any one beige item and get a second item of equal or lesser beige at 50 percent off
  • Yankee Candle: Free home installation on all candle purchases
  • Uber: For no extra charge, all drivers will drop you off five miles past your requested destination
  • GarbageBagFullOfGrapes.Com: 40 percent off of garbage bags filled with grapes
  • Home Depot: Kids eat free
  • Audubon Society: One lucky donor can choose a species of bird to hunt to extinction
  • Mount Auburn Hospital: 20 percent more intravenous fluid for all stays over eight hours
  • Guitar Center: Any customer purchasing a bass guitar will be given an opportunity to try out for the assistant manager’s thrashcore band
  • Best Buy: Discounts on all items when you order them from Amazon instead
  • Dollar General: What more could you people possibly want from us?