Illustration for article titled Bouncer Instructed Not To Let People Like Himself In

COLUMBUS, OH—In an effort to maintain a peaceful and enjoyable atmosphere for guests at local nightclub Zenith, bouncer Anthony Russo was given strict instructions Wednesday not to let people like himself in. “Make sure you keep out any hotheads who seem like they’re just looking for a fight,” said club owner Greg Taylor to the frightening muscleman who has been known to instigate violence at even the slightest real or imagined provocation. “We don’t want this club turning into the kind of place where troublemakers hang out.” At press time, the man who had injected large quantities of illegal anabolic steroids into his bloodstream hours earlier was also told not to admit anyone who was carrying drugs.

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