CINCINNATI—In a ground-breaking, hour-long video presentation, Bounty officials revealed Tuesday that they were rebranding their business as the metaverse of napkins. “Today we proudly unveil the napkinverse: an immersive consumer paper product like you’ve seen before,” said CEO Eric McGill, who shared an image of Bounty’s updated logo, which featured an infinity sign to symbolize the limitlessness of the company’s newfound grand ambitions. “At Bounty, we firmly believe the future is napkins, and in the napkinverse, you can finally be who you were meant to be, whether that’s a single sheet, a cocktail napkin, or a full roll of paper towel. We will blur the line between consumer and napkin in ways previously thought impossible, you will feel the full power of absorbency as your virtual quilted body makes quick work of messes.” At press time, McGill was conducting a demonstration in which his napkin avatar ascended into the air to wipe up a glass of iced tea spilled in the sky.