COLUMBUS, OH—Sighing with exasperation that his date decided to take off early, local boyfriend Dan Havenforth was reportedly unsure if he was also expected to leave the party Friday just because his girlfriend was heading out in an ambulance. “I’m not ready to leave yet, should I be expected to abruptly end my night just because she wants to go to the emergency room?” said Havenforth, adding that she would probably want to climb into bed at the hospital and lie there for the rest of the night, which he thought sounded kind of boring. “Like, we just got here and she already wants to go on a stretcher. It’s honestly rude to my friends if I bail now to ride in the back of the ambulance with her, plus I just spent the whole day doing what she wanted to do. It’s not like she’s alone either, there are, like, five paramedics with her and I made sure she got into the vehicle safely. Fuck it, I’m staying, if she wants to be like that, she can take her gurney and go.” At press time, Havenforth was overheard complaining to his friends that his girlfriend was just in one of her unconscious head-wound moods.