With the United States set to take on Ghana in their first match of the 2014 World Cup, Onion Sports takes a look at the notable players on the U.S. roster:
- Clint Dempsey (Forward, Team Captain): Like several other players on the team with dual citizenship, Dempsey has chosen to play for the United States rather than his native country of Texas
- Michael Bradley (Midfielder): The highly rated midfielder is key to the U.S. progressing past the group stage in the minds of many delusional fans
- Omar Gonzalez (Defender): One of the most talented young stars in the MLS, Gonzalez can give the team the spark it needs to lose in a slightly less humiliating fashion
- Brad Davis (Midfielder): One of the first 10 Brad Davises who appears when you Google “Brad Davis”
- Kyle Beckerman (Midfielder): Has dreadlocks. That’s it. That’s the identity he’s chosen for himself.
- Chris Wondolowski (Forward): Possesses the ability to move his legs and the willingness to play up front, both of which are crucial components of becoming a successful U.S. national team striker
- DeAndre Yedlin (Defender): A controversial choice for the final 23-man roster, critics allege the inexperienced Yedlin only made the U.S. squad due to his owning the team’s sole soccer ball
- Julian Green (Midfielder): At just 18 years of age, Green still has a fighting chance to do something else with his life
- Tim Howard (Goalkeeper): The veteran goalkeeper relies on his quick reflexes and agility to get U.S. fans’ hopes up
- Connor Huntsman (Midfielder): Isn’t a real soccer player. This name was made up, but there’s no way you would have known that.
- Jozy Altidore (Forward): Based on his scoring record for English club team Sunderland last season, is on pace to score a goal sometime during the 2030 World Cup
- Landon Donovan (Forward): Quite possibly the greatest American soccer player of all time and just the veteran presence this U.S. team needs to hold their own in Brazil