YOUR LOCATION—Panicking sources confirmed just now that, oh, Jesus, fuck, the plan went sideways and no one intended this to get so out of hand. “We were just supposed to rough you up a little so you’d click around the site and boost our visitor numbers,” said sources, demanding you hurry the fuck up and power through this paragraph. “Okay. Here’s what gonna happen. You’re gonna start counting backwards from 100, nice and slow, and you’re not gonna stop clicking around this site until you get all the way down to one. You didn’t see anything, you didn’t hear anything. If the cops ask, you’re gonna tell them you scrolled through all these articles on your own volition, you understand?” Sources fleeing the scene then shouted at you to start counting and click here.