America's Finest News Source.

America's Finest News Source.

News

News In Brief News In Photos Interview Slideshow

Image for What To Know About Cassidy Hutchinson And Her January 6 Testimony

What To Know About Cassidy Hutchinson And Her January 6 Testimony

Cassidy Hutchinson, an aide to then-President Trump’s chief of staff, Mark Meadows, testified this week before the House committee investigating the January 6 riots, offering new information about the actions of Trump and his inner circle that day. T…

Image for New Documentary Footage Confirms Long-Held Theory That Flowers Hunt At Night

New Documentary Footage Confirms Long-Held Theory That Flowers Hunt At Night

LOS ANGELES—In stunning footage that for the first time reveals the full range of the plant kingdom’s nocturnal behaviors, a new documentary released Friday has confirmed the long-held theory that flowers obtain their food by hunting at night.…

Image for Supreme Court Casually Mentions Nation Now Divided Into Six Provinces Ruled By Conservative Justices

Supreme Court Casually Mentions Nation Now Divided Into Six Provinces Ruled By Conservative Justices

WASHINGTON—In a tangential footnote appended to its 6-3 decision in West Virginia v. Environmental Protection Agency, the Supreme Court casually declared Thursday that the nation had been divided into six provinces, each of which would be ruled by a…

Image for NASA Announces Plan To Put Moon On Mars By 2040

NASA Announces Plan To Put Moon On Mars By 2040

WASHINGTON—Saying the ambitious new project would be a historic, once-in-a-generation leap forward in the annals of space exploration, NASA announced Friday its plan to put the moon on Mars by 2040. “Ever since we first sent a man to the moon half a…

Watch

Nude Justice Breyer Leaves Supreme Court After Turning In His Robes

Love Fact: Did You Know?

Study Links Postpartum Depression To Baby Immediately Slapping, Flipping Off Mother After Birth

Dog Fact: Did You Know?

Farmer Caught Googling ‘What Is Corn’

Infographic

Image for What To Know About Cassidy Hutchinson And Her January 6 Testimony

What To Know About Cassidy Hutchinson And Her January 6 Testimony

Image for The Causes Of Higher Gas Prices

The Causes Of Higher Gas Prices

Image for The Onion Shares Its Social Media Guidelines For Reporters

The Onion Shares Its Social Media Guidelines For Reporters

Image for What To Know About Covid Vaccines For Kids Under 5

What To Know About Covid Vaccines For Kids Under 5

Interview

Image for We Ask Dr. Fauci About What He's Planning For The Next Pandemic

We Ask Dr. Fauci About What He's Planning For The Next Pandemic

Fauci: Yes, I’ve seen the cartoon drawings of me with a six-pack, and it’s flattering, obviously. I bought some for friends. It’s fun. I show them off at parties. I put them on my business card. It makes me laugh, you know? I put them up on my…

News

Image for CIA Criticized For Use Of Abusive Etiquette Coaches In Black Site Finishing Schools

CIA Criticized For Use Of Abusive Etiquette Coaches In Black Site Finishing Schools

Image for BREAKING: The Onion Has Been Permanently Banned From Twitter

BREAKING: The Onion Has Been Permanently Banned From Twitter

Image for God Regrets Never Learning Spanish

God Regrets Never Learning Spanish

Image for ‘The Onion’ Calls On Israel To Bomb Our Offices In Case Any Hamas Agents Hiding Out There

‘The Onion’ Calls On Israel To Bomb Our Offices In Case Any Hamas Agents Hiding Out There

News In Brief

Image for NASA Announces Plan To Put Moon On Mars By 2040

NASA Announces Plan To Put Moon On Mars By 2040

Image for New Documentary Footage Confirms Long-Held Theory That Flowers Hunt At Night

New Documentary Footage Confirms Long-Held Theory That Flowers Hunt At Night

Image for Supreme Court Casually Mentions Nation Now Divided Into Six Provinces Ruled By Conservative Justices

Supreme Court Casually Mentions Nation Now Divided Into Six Provinces Ruled By Conservative Justices

Image for Elmo Receives Vasectomy In PSA On Preventing Unwanted Pregnancies

Elmo Receives Vasectomy In PSA On Preventing Unwanted Pregnancies

News In Photos

Image for San Francisco Adds ‘No Public Restrooms’ To City Entrance Sign’

San Francisco Adds ‘No Public Restrooms’ To City Entrance Sign’

Image for Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Take Child Bride

Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Take Child Bride

Image for Supreme Court Rules 5-4 To Ride Stephen Breyer Around Like A Horse

Supreme Court Rules 5-4 To Ride Stephen Breyer Around Like A Horse

Image for Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Reclassify Women As Service Animals

Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Reclassify Women As Service Animals

News With Video

Image for Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats

News With Video

Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats

Image for Report: Slamming Boss Against Wall, Shouting ‘Cash! I Need More Cash!’ Still Leading Tactic For Securing Raise

News With Video

Report: Slamming Boss Against Wall, Shouting ‘Cash! I Need More Cash!’ Still Leading Tactic For Securing Raise

Image for Report: Many Companies Now Offering Women Permanent, Unpaid Maternity Leave

News With Video

Report: Many Companies Now Offering Women Permanent, Unpaid Maternity Leave

Image for Child Development Experts Say Boys Not Fully Mature Until Avenging Father’s Murder

News With Video

Child Development Experts Say Boys Not Fully Mature Until Avenging Father’s Murder

Now: Focus

Image for 6-Year-Old Explains How Messed Up It Is That Her Entire Life Has Been Put On Facebook

6-Year-Old Explains How Messed Up It Is That Her Entire Life Has Been Put On Facebook

Image for Nation’s Mothers Describe How Nice It Would Be If You Lived Closer

Nation’s Mothers Describe How Nice It Would Be If You Lived Closer

Image for Men Fired In Wake Of #MeToo Come Forward About How It Took Them Several Hours To Find New Jobs

Men Fired In Wake Of #MeToo Come Forward About How It Took Them Several Hours To Find New Jobs

Image for Facebook Employees Explain Daily Struggle Of Trying To Care About Company's Unethical Practices When Gig So Cushy

Facebook Employees Explain Daily Struggle Of Trying To Care About Company's Unethical Practices When Gig So Cushy

ODS

Image for How To Beat Procrastination Is What I’ll Reveal After I Finish Up My New Anti-Procrastination System

Sponsored

How To Beat Procrastination Is What I’ll Reveal After I Finish Up My New Anti-Procrastination System

Image for Land The Perfect Job By Having Your Rich Dad Set You Up

Sponsored

Land The Perfect Job By Having Your Rich Dad Set You Up

Image for Three World-Shaping Visionaries Hail Cottonelle Flushable Wipes As Mankind’s Greatest Achievement

Sponsored

Three World-Shaping Visionaries Hail Cottonelle Flushable Wipes As Mankind’s Greatest Achievement

Image for This App Turns Your Photos Into Music If You Want To Do That For Some Reason

Sponsored

This App Turns Your Photos Into Music If You Want To Do That For Some Reason

Onion Info Clips

Image for 5 Things To Know About ‘Red Notice’

Onion Info Clips

5 Things To Know About ‘Red Notice’

Image for Highlights Of The COP26 Climate Summit

Onion Info Clips

Highlights Of The COP26 Climate Summit

Image for iPod Turns 20

Onion Info Clips

iPod Turns 20

Image for Nintendo 64 Turns 25

Onion Info Clips

Nintendo 64 Turns 25

Onion News Network

Image for ONN Exclusive: Fire-Ninja Inferno Becomes First Openly Gay Fatal Melee Fighter

ONN Exclusive: Fire-Ninja Inferno Becomes First Openly Gay Fatal Melee Fighter

Image for ONN Exclusive: One-On-One Interview With God

ONN Exclusive: One-On-One Interview With God

Image for ONN Exclusive: Pop Star Janna Hayspice Confronts The Rumors That She Is Really Just A Writhing, Sentient Mass Of Voles

ONN Exclusive: Pop Star Janna Hayspice Confronts The Rumors That She Is Really Just A Writhing, Sentient Mass Of Voles

Image for Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl

Jock Scientists Discover Gay Gene In Carl

Onion Review

Image for Rand Paul Pretends To Sleep So Dad Will Carry Him In From Car

Rand Paul Pretends To Sleep So Dad Will Carry Him In From Car

Image for Song Deemed Good Enough To Put Girlfriend On Shoulders

Song Deemed Good Enough To Put Girlfriend On Shoulders

Image for Rescue Dog Adopted For Couple Weeks

Rescue Dog Adopted For Couple Weeks

Image for Man Wearing M&M Jacket Apparently Made In God's Image

Man Wearing M&M Jacket Apparently Made In God's Image

Onion Social

Image for Onion Social CEO Announces Changes To Site’s Privacy Policy

Onion Social CEO Announces Changes To Site’s Privacy Policy

Image for Onion Social CEO Embarks On Tour Of Several Coffee Shops Near Where He Lives To Learn More About Everyday Americans

Onion Social CEO Embarks On Tour Of Several Coffee Shops Near Where He Lives To Learn More About Everyday Americans

Image for Onion Social CEO Answers Your Questions On Privacy And User Data

Onion Social CEO Answers Your Questions On Privacy And User Data

Image for An Open Invitation From Onion Social CEO Jeremy Rosenbaum

An Open Invitation From Onion Social CEO Jeremy Rosenbaum

Slideshow

Image for Completely Legal Reasons Pharmacists Can Use To Refuse Birth Control

Completely Legal Reasons Pharmacists Can Use To Refuse Birth Control

Image for Biggest Revelations From The Jan. 6 Hearings

Biggest Revelations From The Jan. 6 Hearings

Image for Most Frequent Google Search In Every State

Most Frequent Google Search In Every State

Image for Americans Explain Why They Oppose Abolishing The Police

Americans Explain Why They Oppose Abolishing The Police

Tech

Image for Study: Technology Making It Easier For Mankind To Get More Annoyed Than Ever

Sponsored

Study: Technology Making It Easier For Mankind To Get More Annoyed Than Ever

Image for Google Engineers Invent New Body Part To Strap Gadgets Onto

Sponsored

Google Engineers Invent New Body Part To Strap Gadgets Onto

Image for 6-Year-Old Data Entry Prodigy Already Entertaining Offers From Major Temp Agencies

Sponsored

6-Year-Old Data Entry Prodigy Already Entertaining Offers From Major Temp Agencies

Image for Scientists Continue Developing Alternative Energy Sources For Americans To Waste

Sponsored

Scientists Continue Developing Alternative Energy Sources For Americans To Waste

Today Now

Image for 13-Year-Old Drinking Prodigy Accepted To Ohio State

13-Year-Old Drinking Prodigy Accepted To Ohio State

Image for How To Spice Up The Romantic Wedding Moments Every Bride Shares With Her Father

How To Spice Up The Romantic Wedding Moments Every Bride Shares With Her Father

Image for This Week On Today Now!

This Week On Today Now!

Image for Romantic Boyfriend Surprises Girlfriend With Valentine’s Day Love Labyrinth

Romantic Boyfriend Surprises Girlfriend With Valentine’s Day Love Labyrinth

Advertisement