Breaking NewsNew World Order Holds Annual Meeting At Indianapolis MarriottINDIANAPOLIS—Convening to maintain the organization’s invisible hand of control across the globe, the New World Order held its annual meeting Thursday at an Indianapolis Marriott. “This worldwide cabal of shadowy power brokers needs a place it can…
Breaking NewsSupreme Court Upholds Voting Rights Law As Cover For What Comes NextWASHINGTON—In what seemed like a surprisingly progressive 5-4 ruling, the Supreme Court upheld a voting rights law Thursday as a cover for what comes next. “Striking down the Republican-drawn congressional maps that discriminate against Black voters…
Breaking NewsNew York City Wildfire Smoke Making Eric Adams Glad He Lives In NevadaLAS VEGAS—As smoke poured across the Eastern Seaboard, spreading dangerous pollutants into the metropolis, Mayor Eric Adams told reporters Thursday that photographs of a haze-covered New York City were making him glad he lived in Nevada. “Wow,…
InfographicFeatures Of The Apple Vision ProApple unveiled Monday its first-ever augmented-reality headset, which will begin retailing next year. The Onion looks at the specs and cool features of the Apple Vision Pro.
InfographicFeatures Of The Apple Vision ProApple unveiled Monday its first-ever augmented-reality headset, which will begin retailing next year. The Onion looks at the specs and cool features of the Apple Vision Pro.
InfographicWhat’s In The Pentagon Report On UFOsDetails have begun to leak about an upcoming Pentagon report declassifying government intelligence about unidentified flying objects. The Onion provides some of the most intriguing details from the upcoming report on UFOs.
InfographicWhat To Know About Shortages Of Adderall, Ozempic, And Other MedicinesMounting shortages of medications like the ADHD treatment Adderall and the diabetes and weight-loss drug Ozempic have caused anxiety among patients who rely on them, with experts attributing the scarcity to multiple factors. The Onion tells you…
InfographicPolitical Profile: The Dalai LamaThe Dalai Lama recently made headlines when video emerged of him asking a young boy to suck his tongue—not the first time the Tibetan leader has caused controversy. The Onion takes a look at the Dalai Lama’s background, political positions, and the…
InterviewExclusive Interview With Clarence ThomasThe Supreme Court Justice Explains Why He Accepted Luxury Trips From A GOP Megadonor
NewsSam Bankman-Fried Sobs After Accidentally Dropping Last Crypto Down Sewer GrateNASSAU, THE BAHAMAS—In the wake of the cryptocurrency exchange he founded filing for bankruptcy amid accusations of mismanaging funds, the last hopes of embattled former FTX CEO Sam Bankman-Fried were reportedly extinguished Friday when several…
NewsSomething Called ‘Guacamole Donut’ Burying News Of Dozens Of School ShootingsWASHINGTON—Noting that the strange new deep-fried, cake-like pastry was all but dominating news feeds, sources confirmed Wednesday that something called a “guacamole donut” was burying coverage of dozens of school shootings.
NewsCIA Criticized For Use Of Abusive Etiquette Coaches In Black Site Finishing SchoolsNEUCHATEL, SWITZERLAND—In a damning indictment of the agency’s own social graces, the CIA came under intense scrutiny Monday after officials declassified a report detailing the foreign intelligence service’s use of abusive etiquette coaches in…
SlideshowBiggest Revelations From Ron DeSantis’ New Book ‘The Courage To Be Free’On Feb. 28, 2023, HarperCollins published a memoir by controversial Florida governor and presidential hopeful Ron DeSantis. Here are the biggest revelations from his campaign book The Courage To Be Free.
SlideshowEverything We Know About Elon Musk’s ‘Twitter Files’Elon Musk recently promoted a Twitter thread by journalist Matt Taibbi, which detailed internal company documents showing that the social media site blocked tweets publicizing a news story on Hunter Biden’s laptop. Here’s what The Onion discovered…
SlideshowWhat We Know About Elon Musk’s Neuralink Human TrialsElon Musk announced that he expects to start human trials of the Neuralink brain chip. Here’s what The Onion knows about this project.
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