HR Improves Company Morale By Giving Employees Constant Stream Of Dumbass Bullshit To Mock

Psychiatrists Recommend Serial Killers Get Out Feelings With Taunting Letter To Investigators That They Never Send

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Illinois Restaurants Reopen At 95% Capacity After Factoring In Quarantine Weight Gain

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Wonder Bread Turns 100

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‘The Onion’ Calls On Israel To Bomb Our Offices In Case Any Hamas Agents Hiding Out There

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‘The Onion’ Reveals The 2020 Walton Goggins Of The Year Is Walton Goggins

Onion Social CEO Announces Changes To Site’s Privacy Policy

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Onion Social CEO Answers Your Questions On Privacy And User Data

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Men Fired In Wake Of #MeToo Come Forward About How It Took Them Several Hours To Find New Jobs

Study: Technology Making It Easier For Mankind To Get More Annoyed Than Ever

Google Engineers Invent New Body Part To Strap Gadgets Onto

6-Year-Old Data Entry Prodigy Already Entertaining Offers From Major Temp Agencies

13-Year-Old Drinking Prodigy Accepted To Ohio State

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Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats

Report: Slamming Boss Against Wall, Shouting ‘Cash! I Need More Cash!’ Still Leading Tactic For Securing Raise

Report: Many Companies Now Offering Women Permanent, Unpaid Maternity Leave

Rand Paul Pretends To Sleep So Dad Will Carry Him In From Car

Song Deemed Good Enough To Put Girlfriend On Shoulders

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Three World-Shaping Visionaries Hail Cottonelle Flushable Wipes As Mankind’s Greatest Achievement