Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefTop Experts Divided On Whether It’s Better To Beat The Heat Or Have Fun In The SunWASHINGTON—Debating the best public course of action for dealing with the record-breaking temperatures expected…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefStudy Links Postpartum Depression To Baby Immediately Slapping, Flipping Off Mother After BirthNEW YORK—In what doctors are calling a landmark discovery vital to understanding mental health, a new study…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefBREAKING: Onion Lotto Jackpot Up To 9 BucksCHICAGO—Boasting the largest payout in the history of the game, officials announced Thursday that the Onion Lotto…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefMotorcycle-Revving Janet Yellen Folds Up Picture Of Cryptocurrency Before Speeding AwayWASHINGTON—Wrapping her leather-gloved hand around the throttle of a vintage Harley-Davidson, Treasury Secretary…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefNASA Astronauts Prepare For Mission To Mars By Spending Year Living In Simulated Colony On VenusGOEPPERT-MAYER CRATER, VENUS—Saying the team would return with invaluable knowledge about what’s needed to survive…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefPhilharmonic Orchestra Conductor Receives 8-Concert Suspension For Using Corked BatonBOSTON—An investigation into the musician’s suspiciously powerful work concluded Tuesday as Boston Philharmonic…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefStudy: Inflation Forcing More Americans To Choose Between Buying Groceries, Aston Martin DBSWASHINGTON—Revealing the punishing extent to which consumers were feeling the strain of rising prices, a new study…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefNature Made Releases New Melatonin Formula Promising 40% Fewer Spider NightmaresLOS ANGELES—In an effort to win over insomnia sufferers worried about side effects, dietary supplement brand Nature…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefNew Department Of Energy Program Incentivizes Pedestrians, Cyclists To Switch To Electric VehiclesWASHINGTON—In keeping with its mission to address the nation’s environmental challenges, the Department of Energy…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefNation Becoming More And More Comfortable Masturbating Indoors AgainWASHINGTON—As Covid restrictions continue to ease across the country, the nation has become more and more…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefWorld’s Great White Sharks Call For Immediate Release Of All Caged Scuba DiversTHE OCEANS—Claiming the underwater explorers were wrongfully placed behind bars, the world’s great white sharks…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefUnsettling PETA Ad Features Sobbing Burger Giving Man Blow JobNORFOLK, VA—In a dark, 30-second spot that has reportedly shocked and disgusted millions of viewers, People for the…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefAmbien Unveils New 48-Hour Weekend Getaway Sleeping PillPARIS—Calling the drug the perfect solution for people who struggled to enjoy themselves, pharmaceutical company…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefArgentina Confirms Hundreds Of Demons Hid Out In Nation For Years After War Between Heaven And HellBUENOS AIRES—In a statement expressing deep contrition for its role in harboring the infernal criminals, the…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefNew Law Safeguards 50 Million Children From Threats Of Gun Violence By Adding Them To Supreme CourtWASHINGTON—In an effort to prevent further gun deaths among minors, Congress passed a new law Thursday safeguarding…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefNew Abortion Waiting Period Law Requires Women To Spend Night In Creepy Old House On HillJACKSON, MS—In an effort to make sure all patients understood the severity of the procedure, Mississippi passed a…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefVisa Announces Cards Can Now Be Inserted, Swiped, Tapped, Bent, Clapped, Rolled, Shoved, Thrown, Dangled, Slid, Or WhackedSAN FRANCISCO—In an effort to make transactions “easier than ever,” financial services conglomerate Visa announced…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefNationwide Lifeguard Shortage Could Postpone Thousands Of Sexual AwakeningsMILWAUKEE—Amid a continuing labor shortage impacting small towns and cities across the country, officials warned…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In BriefNation’s Moms Announce There Some Nutty People Out ThereWASHINGTON—Delivering a stern warning to all 330 million Americans, the nation’s moms announced at a press…
Breaking NewsNews In BriefBreaking NewsNews In Brief330 Million Dead Following Mass ShootingWASHINGTON—In the aftermath of a deadly rampage that stretched from coast to coast, authorities reported Tuesday…