BREAKING: Oh My God, You Killed Her

‘What Have You Done?’ Sources Say

Illustration for article titled BREAKING: Oh My God, You Killed Her

MIAMI—As you gaze incredulously down at the body on the floor and the horror of what you just did begins to dawn on you, eyewitnesses at the scene confirmed Monday that oh my God, you—you killed her! “Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ! She’s dead!” stunned bystanders could be heard exclaiming over the sudden wail of the approaching sirens, adding that oh shit, oh shit, she couldn’t have survived that, you fucking killed her. “Why? Why do that to her? No. No. No, no, no. This can’t be happening. Fuck! Fuck. You can never go back. You realize that, right? She’s dead and you killed her and you can’t just go back. There’s no coming back from this.” You do not need the police currently arriving at the scene to tell you that you’ll pay for this, pay for it with your life if there’s any justice in this world.