Breaking: Stop That Man!

Illustration for article titled Breaking: Stop That Man!

LOS ANGELES—In a late-breaking development currently throwing the entire street into a tizzy, sources confirmed Tuesday that someone needs to stop that man. “ Police! Anybody—he’s getting away,” said witness Lisa Oh, noting that the horrid man was rapidly disappearing down the block and would soon be out of sight. “Help! Help! Won’t someone do something? He’s got my purse!” At press time, a good samaritan had pursued the robber over a chain link fence, chased him through a group of fruit carts, and ultimately lost him in a passing parade.