BREAKING: This Is Section 208, We’re Supposed To Be In 209

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SECTION 208—Having spent the entire first inning wandering up and down the aisles, sources just confirmed that this is section 208, and, wait, we’re actually supposed to be in section 209.

According to early reports, these are the stairs the usher told us to walk down, but he must have messed up, because that sign above the tunnel says 208. After reportedly consulting the ticket stubs for several moments, sources are indeed confirming that, yeah, we definitely need to be in 209.


“Maybe 209 is on the right side of this aisle and 208 is on the left?” said one of your friends, adding that we need to get out of the way because people are going to get pissed if we keep blocking the stairs. “The seats on the right side start at number 32, but then the ones on the left side start at 125. We might actually be in the middle of section 208. I really have no idea.”

“Hold on—is this even the right row?” he continued, looking down at his ticket again. “Just hold on a second.”


Those familiar with the situation note that everyone we’re meeting should already be here, but they reportedly don’t appear to be anywhere in this section. Sources go on to speculate that they may have gone to the concession stand to get some food, though it’s more likely that we’re just in the wrong place. Further reports state that we should just text one of them to come find us.

Following additional debate, the seats are said to possibly be at the opposite end of this row. However, there is reportedly no way in hell we’re walking through a whole row of people only to find out we’re not supposed to be there, so we’re better off going back up and walking around to the other side.


Sources stress that we could go ask the usher again, but we reportedly already asked him once, and he would probably end up pointing us to the same exact spot anyway. Conflicting reports meanwhile indicate that we should just go to a different usher on the other side of the section and ask to be shown to our seats, because we’re missing the fucking game.

Additional sources are also inquiring as to how the seating layout at a professional sports stadium could be so goddamn confusing.


“I think I see the seats—shit, never mind, there’s some guy sitting in one of them,” observed another friend, adding that this entire thing might somehow be a mix-up, because the tickets were purchased on StubHub and then printed at home. “I really don’t want to say anything to him if those might be his seats. Fuck.”

“Well, there are four empty seats in the row behind him,” he added. “Let’s just sit in those.”


At press time, sources confirmed that, great, some guy is talking to an usher and pointing in our direction.