BALTIMORE—Hailing the new treatment as a breakthrough in medical techniques, surgeons at the University of Baltimore announced Wednesday that they had successfully developed a new procedure to transplant a pig rib into a human mouth. “The way the procedure works is we remove the rib from a pig, brush it with a specially formulated vinegar or mustard-based sauce that significantly increases the chance of success, and finally install it in the host mouth,” said Dr. Jeffrey Clements, adding that his team had observed relatively few cases in which the rib was rejected, especially if the donation was rubbed in a blend of smoked paprika, garlic powder, coffee grounds, brown sugar, and a little cayenne for kick. “Of course, there are some side effects, such as sleepiness and slight bloating in patients. We also observed procedures in which the rib transplant actually worked too well and recipients immediately demanded another one. Overall, though, this is a huge advance that’s going to help millions struggling with chronic hunger.” Clements added that his team was only getting started and hoped to have a pork loin transplanted into a human mouth by the end of 2022.
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