Brian Kemp Unveils Specially Trained Hogs That Can Root Out Voter Fraud

Illustration for article titled Brian Kemp Unveils Specially Trained Hogs That Can Root Out Voter Fraud

ATLANTA—Responding to President Donald Trump’s refusal to accept election results, Georgia Governor Brian Kemp unveiled a team of specially trained hogs Tuesday for rooting out voter fraud. “These pigs can smell about 2,000 times better than the average poll observer, making them the ideal team to locate fraudulent ballots buried deep in the mud,” said Kemp, who explained hundreds of the animals would be deployed across the state to investigate the president’s claims that the election was rigged against him. “Every legal vote will be counted, and every illegal vote will be unearthed from the ground by snout. These hogs can detect a faulty signature as deep as 9 feet in the ground and pick up the scent of a duplicate ballot from up to 5 miles away. It’s cutting-edge technology that can’t be hacked or compromised, and we’re confident thousands of illegally cast votes will be discovered.” At press time, Kemp was preparing to deploy a team of specially trained voter-fraud-detecting dolphins after the hogs had rooted up nothing but truffles.

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