Britain To Chart Happiness

Illustration for article titled Britain To Chart Happiness

Beginning in the spring of 2011, the government of the United Kingdom will conduct regular surveys of the happiness and well-being of its citizens. Here are some of the variables that will be measured:

  • Ratio of compliments received per pounds spent on shoes
  • How often you check that no one's looking and say, "Tits"
  • How often one sells out the Royal Albert Hall
  • Stiffness vs. pliability of upper lip
  • Distance in miles from Simon Cowell
  • How often one has just the perfect bit of beans on toast
  • Number of perfectly good pieces of string salvaged from the rubbish bin on monthly basis
  • Number of fake laughs per hour vs. number of sad laughs per hour