British People Explain Why They Support The Monarchy

British People Explain Why They Support The Monarchy

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Jessa Brent (Nurse)

Jessa Brent (Nurse)

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“Oh, it’s because I’m a fucking loser.”

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Neville Wrothley (Sales Rep)

Neville Wrothley (Sales Rep)

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“I wish to live and die under the yoke of tyrants.”

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Antony Hanes (Paparazzo)

Antony Hanes (Paparazzo)

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“They paid me a lot of money to kill Diana.”

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Mark Davies (Project Manager)

Mark Davies (Project Manager)

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“Democracy’s only going to be a short-lived craze anyway.”

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Kara Farald (Dietician)

Kara Farald (Dietician)

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“I just like knowing that we control those pathetic island people of Montserrat and could crush those fuckers under our boots at any time.”

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Gregory Tate (Chef)

Gregory Tate (Chef)

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“As someone who is severely inbred, I’m just going to go ahead and say that this counts as representation.”

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Peter Spencer (Psychiatrist)

Peter Spencer (Psychiatrist)

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“The whole family’s kind of cute, in a fucked-up-looking-dog sort of way.”

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Jacob Rees-Mogg (Secretary of State for Business, Energy, and Industrial Strategy)

Jacob Rees-Mogg (Secretary of State for Business, Energy, and Industrial Strategy)

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“The monarchy is an important element of our nation’s dark, brutal past, and, Lord willing, an important element of our nation’s dark, brutal future.”

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Frederick Downey (Carpenter)

Frederick Downey (Carpenter)

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“I’ve got a rich old lady fetish.”

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Bethany Simons (Sales Assistant)

Bethany Simons (Sales Assistant)

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“I work on commission, so I say whatever I think the customer wants to hear.”

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Anish Patel (DJ)

Anish Patel (DJ)

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“Who knows? The heart is funny that way.”

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Shelby Dunham (Medical Technician)

Shelby Dunham (Medical Technician)

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“Hey, if they cheat on their wives enough, eventually they’ll probably end up having sex with me.”

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Natalie Cuphold (Street Sweeper)

Natalie Cuphold (Street Sweeper)

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“They’re the democratically elected representatives of the people—wait, they aren’t elected? Where the fuck do they come from then?”

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Olivia Colman (Actress)

Olivia Colman (Actress)

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“Let’s just say that Mama’s third house didn’t come from doing Peep Show.”

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Roger Pollock (Receptionist)

Roger Pollock (Receptionist)

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“The millions spent on keeping them locked up and secure in their castles is a small price to pay for not having to interact with them.”

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Stanley Mugwort (Barrister)

Stanley Mugwort (Barrister)

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“There’s a level of dignity and stability to be gained from supporting centuries of the stupidest fucking thing imaginable.”

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Karl von Habsburg (Head of the House of Habsburg)

Karl von Habsburg (Head of the House of Habsburg)

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“[Unintelligible slurping.]”

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Brian Martin (Delivery Driver)

Brian Martin (Delivery Driver)

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“I think they’re technically troops, and I always support the troops.”

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Big Ben (Clock)

Big Ben (Clock)

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“10:53 a.m., GMT.”

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Lindsey Chambry (Accountant)

Lindsey Chambry (Accountant)

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“What can I say? I’m a sub that loves to be dominated.”

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Amelia Byrne (Housewife)

Amelia Byrne (Housewife)

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“With any luck, I’ll marry that baby George, and then I’ll be queen!”

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Sasha Grout (Cook)

Sasha Grout (Cook)

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“Me like big nice crown! Yip-yip-yippeeeeee!!!!!!”

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