With the bloated cost of airfare and hotels, many people are looking to save on travel however they can. Here are The Onion’s tips for planning a memorable vacation without overspending:

  • Before booking your trip, pinpoint the love of your life so as to have someone with whom to split expenses.
  • Avoid airline baggage fees by swallowing a condom filled with toiletries at the security checkpoint.
  • Many discounts are aimed at school-age children and seniors, so avoid traveling anytime during the prime years of your life.
  • Deter pickpockets by wearing a money belt that will make them embarrassed to be seen anywhere near you.
  • Consider buying a used guidebook. Yugoslavia probably hasn’t changed much since 1990 anyway.
  • Stay in Venice, but eat in Slovenia.
  • If you meet certain criteria, it may be possible to have your travel expenses subsidized by an organization such as Birthright or the Marine Corps.
  • Mention promo code “CAPITAL” at the currency exchange booth for special two-for-one rates!

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