Bullshit Alternative Medical Procedures You Should Never Have Done

Kinda hurts.

On second thought, maybe a new liver would’ve been more useful than the color turquoise.

This barbaric and counterproductive procedure should never be practiced unless the medical community decides it’s good again.

This extremely popular alternative to getting your cholesterol tested is actually not super great for your health.

On top of bleeding out from a gunshot wound, you’re now also wet.

Those of us here at Tylenol must hasten to remind you that you’re basically taking your life into your own hands if you reject the brand-name Tylenol for its inferior and potentially lethal alternative.

Eh. Could work? Depends on the sap.

You really shouldn’t have gone down that road.

We’re trying to help people here, not dither around with precious little scent stunts. Fuck off.

No human being needs to attain such a crippling level of insight into the deep recesses of their subconscious.

This tried-and-true method of healing wears off after a few hours and is not recommended long-term.

Countless lives and years were lost on your doomed expedition when you could’ve just tried cutting down on salt.

The calypso beat may be soothing at first, but don’t be surprised if you leave with vertebrae that are totally out of tune.

Surgery can be risky, but you were never going to detach your conjoined twins by rubbing some clove on their heads.

There are much better ways to remove eye gunk than sticking a 10-inch wax candle into your socket.

If you need a kidney transplant, you can’t just substitute a heart, even though the heart seems like a smart alternative.

We know you’re squeamish around blood, but barbecue sauce just isn’t as effective at providing oxygen to your muscles and organs.

You put yourself through a lengthy and exhausting ritual just to rid yourself of a demon that usually responds well to acetaminophen.

Definitely not worth $12.

The process of sticking yourself with Rold Gold rods at various “hunger points” throughout your body can, in fact, lead to hypertension and dehydration.

This is just somebody charging you $2,000 to run you over with their sedan. Do not fall for it.