Commentary - America's Finest News Source

11/8/19

4:25 PM

Commentary11/8/19

Commentary11/8/19

‘The Onion’ Launches New Cover-Up Desk To Suppress Today’s Most Damning Stories

11/7/19

7:00 AM

Commentary11/7/19

Commentary11/7/19

I Have To Admit, I Spoil Dax Shepard

10/31/19

8:00 AM

Commentary10/31/19

Commentary10/31/19

It’s Long Past Time For Jack-O’-Lanterns To Decide Once And For All If They Are On The Side Of Humans Or The Side Of Demons

10/14/19

11:27 AM

Commentary10/14/19

Commentary10/14/19

For Its 33rd Year, OGN Adamantly Refuses To Report On The Pinball Expo ‘Flip Out’ Tournament Or Any Pinball-Related News

9/23/19

11:53 AM

Commentary9/23/19

Commentary9/23/19

Years Of Playing Tower Defense Games Can’t Prepare You For The Responsibilities Of Defending A Real Tower

9/17/19

2:41 PM

Commentary9/17/19

Commentary9/17/19

I Was In A Movie Called ‘Waterworld’ And Global Warming Is Causing Rising Sea Levels, So Is There Anything To That? Is That Worth Writing An Op-Ed About? No? I Dunno, Anyways…

8/7/19

9:30 AM

Commentary8/7/19

Commentary8/7/19

Nintendo Never Should Have Pandered To Women And Created A Female Mario

7/11/19

12:05 PM

Commentary7/11/19

Commentary7/11/19

At The Peak Of My Fame, I Could Have Slept With Any Werewolf, Mummy, Or Ghoul I Wanted

5/29/19

12:55 PM

Commentary5/29/19

Commentary5/29/19

Honey, If You Ever Have Any Questions About Sex, You Can Always Consult The Hundreds Of Pages Of Fan Fiction In My Closet

5/22/19

12:52 PM

Commentary5/22/19

Commentary5/22/19

I Am An Affront To God

5/21/19

12:38 PM

Commentary5/21/19

Commentary5/21/19

People Criticizing ‘Anthem’ Don’t Understand The Developer’s Vision Of A Game That Had To Come Out This Past Fiscal Year

5/15/19

1:50 PM

Commentary5/15/19

Commentary5/15/19

Traveling Is An Incredible Way To Meet Vulnerable People Nobody Will Go Looking For

5/10/19

12:10 PM

Commentary5/10/19

Commentary5/10/19

Islam Is Incompatible With Country-Western Culture

5/7/19

3:03 PM

Commentary5/7/19

Commentary5/7/19

Bye!

5/2/19

11:19 AM

Commentary5/2/19

Commentary5/2/19

Thank God We Didn’t Have Written Language Back When I Was A Teenager

4/29/19

12:08 PM

Commentary4/29/19

Commentary4/29/19

After Decades As A Print-Only Publication, Onion Gamers Network Has Decided That The Internet Is The Future Of Video Game Journalism

4/25/19

10:50 AM

Commentary4/25/19

Commentary4/25/19

I Will Personally Destroy The Chances Of Any 2020 Candidate Who Doesn’t Get Their Picture Taken Eating At Culver’s

4/18/19

4:39 PM

Commentary4/18/19

Commentary4/18/19

The Onion’s Legal Analysts Have Completed Their Official Count Of How Many Pages Are In The Mueller Report

3/28/19

9:14 AM

Commentary3/28/19

Commentary3/28/19

I Guess I’m Only Tough On Stains Because My Dad Was So Tough On Me

1/7/19

11:09 AM

Commentary1/7/19

Commentary1/7/19

5 Things To Know About ‘Charlie’s Angels’

5 Things To Know About Nikki Haley

5 Things To Know About ‘The Crown’ Season 3

‘The Onion’ Launches New Cover-Up Desk To Suppress Today’s Most Damning Stories

I Have To Admit, I Spoil Dax Shepard

It’s Long Past Time For Jack-O’-Lanterns To Decide Once And For All If They Are On The Side Of Humans Or The Side Of Demons

For Its 33rd Year, OGN Adamantly Refuses To Report On The Pinball Expo ‘Flip Out’ Tournament Or Any Pinball-Related News

Years Of Playing Tower Defense Games Can’t Prepare You For The Responsibilities Of Defending A Real Tower

I Was In A Movie Called ‘Waterworld’ And Global Warming Is Causing Rising Sea Levels, So Is There Anything To That? Is That Worth Writing An Op-Ed About? No? I Dunno, Anyways…

Nintendo Never Should Have Pandered To Women And Created A Female Mario

At The Peak Of My Fame, I Could Have Slept With Any Werewolf, Mummy, Or Ghoul I Wanted

Honey, If You Ever Have Any Questions About Sex, You Can Always Consult The Hundreds Of Pages Of Fan Fiction In My Closet

I Am An Affront To God

People Criticizing ‘Anthem’ Don’t Understand The Developer’s Vision Of A Game That Had To Come Out This Past Fiscal Year

Traveling Is An Incredible Way To Meet Vulnerable People Nobody Will Go Looking For

Islam Is Incompatible With Country-Western Culture

Bye!

Thank God We Didn’t Have Written Language Back When I Was A Teenager

After Decades As A Print-Only Publication, Onion Gamers Network Has Decided That The Internet Is The Future Of Video Game Journalism

I Will Personally Destroy The Chances Of Any 2020 Candidate Who Doesn’t Get Their Picture Taken Eating At Culver’s

The Onion’s Legal Analysts Have Completed Their Official Count Of How Many Pages Are In The Mueller Report

I Guess I’m Only Tough On Stains Because My Dad Was So Tough On Me

It’s Not An Easy Thing To Admit When You’re Wrong, And That’s Why I Won’t Do It

NFL Rescinds Myles Garrett Suspension After Review Footage Clearly Shows Mason Rudolph’s Punchable Fucking Face

Full Trump Transcript Includes 37 Pages Of Confused President Mashing Fingers Against Dial Pad While Ukrainian President Tries To ...

Yovanovitch Testifies That She Was Removed To Make Way For Corrupt Back Channel But Gets If No One Cares About Anything Anymore

‘The Onion’ Launches New Cover-Up Desk To Suppress Today’s Most Damning Stories

I Have To Admit, I Spoil Dax Shepard

It’s Long Past Time For Jack-O’-Lanterns To Decide Once And For All If They Are On The Side Of Humans Or The Side Of Demons

For Its 33rd Year, OGN Adamantly Refuses To Report On The Pinball Expo ‘Flip Out’ Tournament Or Any Pinball-Related News

Years Of Playing Tower Defense Games Can’t Prepare You For The Responsibilities Of Defending A Real Tower

I Was In A Movie Called ‘Waterworld’ And Global Warming Is Causing Rising Sea Levels, So Is There Anything To That? Is That Worth Writing An Op-Ed About? No? I Dunno, Anyways…

Nintendo Never Should Have Pandered To Women And Created A Female Mario

At The Peak Of My Fame, I Could Have Slept With Any Werewolf, Mummy, Or Ghoul I Wanted

Honey, If You Ever Have Any Questions About Sex, You Can Always Consult The Hundreds Of Pages Of Fan Fiction In My Closet

I Am An Affront To God

People Criticizing ‘Anthem’ Don’t Understand The Developer’s Vision Of A Game That Had To Come Out This Past Fiscal Year

Traveling Is An Incredible Way To Meet Vulnerable People Nobody Will Go Looking For

Islam Is Incompatible With Country-Western Culture

Bye!

Thank God We Didn’t Have Written Language Back When I Was A Teenager

After Decades As A Print-Only Publication, Onion Gamers Network Has Decided That The Internet Is The Future Of Video Game Journalism

I Will Personally Destroy The Chances Of Any 2020 Candidate Who Doesn’t Get Their Picture Taken Eating At Culver’s

The Onion’s Legal Analysts Have Completed Their Official Count Of How Many Pages Are In The Mueller Report

I Guess I’m Only Tough On Stains Because My Dad Was So Tough On Me

It’s Not An Easy Thing To Admit When You’re Wrong, And That’s Why I Won’t Do It