Nov 22Commentary11/22/19Commentary11/22/19Yes, Gandhi’s ‘Civilization VI’ Outfit Is Sexy, But It Would Be Seriously Impractical On A Real Battlefield
Nov 8Commentary11/8/19Commentary11/8/19‘The Onion’ Launches New Cover-Up Desk To Suppress Today’s Most Damning Stories
Oct 31Commentary10/31/19Commentary10/31/19It’s Long Past Time For Jack-O’-Lanterns To Decide Once And For All If They Are On The Side Of Humans Or The Side Of Demons
Oct 14Commentary10/14/19Commentary10/14/19For Its 33rd Year, OGN Adamantly Refuses To Report On The Pinball Expo ‘Flip Out’ Tournament Or Any Pinball-Related News
Sep 23Commentary9/23/19Commentary9/23/19Years Of Playing Tower Defense Games Can’t Prepare You For The Responsibilities Of Defending A Real Tower
Sep 17Commentary9/17/19Commentary9/17/19I Was In A Movie Called ‘Waterworld’ And Global Warming Is Causing Rising Sea Levels, So Is There Anything To That? Is That Worth Writing An Op-Ed About? No? I Dunno, Anyways…
Aug 7Commentary8/7/19Commentary8/7/19Nintendo Never Should Have Pandered To Women And Created A Female Mario
Jul 11 2019Commentary7/11/19Commentary7/11/19At The Peak Of My Fame, I Could Have Slept With Any Werewolf, Mummy, Or Ghoul I Wanted
May 29 2019Commentary5/29/19Commentary5/29/19Honey, If You Ever Have Any Questions About Sex, You Can Always Consult The Hundreds Of Pages Of Fan Fiction In My Closet
May 21 2019Commentary5/21/19Commentary5/21/19People Criticizing ‘Anthem’ Don’t Understand The Developer’s Vision Of A Game That Had To Come Out This Past Fiscal Year
May 15 2019Commentary5/15/19Commentary5/15/19Traveling Is An Incredible Way To Meet Vulnerable People Nobody Will Go Looking For
May 2 2019Commentary5/2/19Commentary5/2/19Thank God We Didn’t Have Written Language Back When I Was A Teenager
Apr 29 2019Commentary4/29/19Commentary4/29/19After Decades As A Print-Only Publication, Onion Gamers Network Has Decided That The Internet Is The Future Of Video Game Journalism
Apr 25 2019Commentary4/25/19Commentary4/25/19I Will Personally Destroy The Chances Of Any 2020 Candidate Who Doesn’t Get Their Picture Taken Eating At Culver’s
Apr 18 2019Commentary4/18/19Commentary4/18/19The Onion’s Legal Analysts Have Completed Their Official Count Of How Many Pages Are In The Mueller Report
