After tirelessly poring over the Special Counsel’s recently released findings, The Onion can confidently report that…
I know at times I can come off a bit caustic and abrasive. For years, I had no idea where these destructive feelings…
All of us do or say the wrong thing from time to time. It’s my belief that what matters most is not the mistakes we…
Season’s greetings from your old friend Santa! My, my, it seems the Christmas season comes a bit earlier each year,…
As winter temperatures arrive and the end of the year approaches, I find myself in a place of deep reflection. Looking…
I get it. I’m not much of a looker. I know I’m not ugly or anything, but I have enough humility to recognize there are…
As I lie here, my vision starting to fade, I know I likely will not live to see my home again. The approach of death is…
As I look out at the faces surrounding me here today, I am reminded of how much we’ve accomplished in such a short…
Life can be pretty rough when you’re feeling down in the dumps. Maybe it starts because school is stressing you out, or…
I didn’t know what to expect on that day 15 years ago when I began my journey into motherhood. I had no idea how…
Today, The Onion is making an unusual editorial decision, and we want to explain why. As turmoil continues to increase…
Recently, several accusations have been made against me—eight women have come forward to claim I made inappropriate…
In recent days, President Donald Trump has increased his criticism of the media, and at a briefing Thursday, his press…
Girl, you know I would do whatever it takes to make all your fantasies come true. I would cross a continent. I would…
As any half-aware simpleton will doubt-less tell you, the Fall of News has at long last come upon us. Indeed, for once,…
Daddy, I’ve been thinking. I know I never talk to you about Facebook. You’ve worked really hard on it, and it means a…
The Onion holds the virtues of integrity, courage, and accountability above all others, and after more than two…
For too long, I have kept quiet. For too long, I convinced myself that what we were doing at Facebook—bringing people…
The Onion, in recent days, has attempted to contend with a serious legal threat issued in 2013 by the president’s…
As we look out across this dance floor, and across the broader spectrum of our culture, it is tempting to conclude we…
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