9/17/19

2:41 PM

Commentary9/17/19

I Was In A Movie Called ‘Waterworld’ And Global Warming Is Causing Rising Sea Levels, So Is There Anything To That? Is That Worth Writing An Op-Ed About? No? I Dunno, Anyways…

8/7/19

9:30 AM

Commentary8/7/19

Commentary8/7/19

Nintendo Never Should Have Pandered To Women And Created A Female Mario

7/11/19

12:05 PM

Commentary7/11/19

Commentary7/11/19

At The Peak Of My Fame, I Could Have Slept With Any Werewolf, Mummy, Or Ghoul I Wanted

5/29/19

12:55 PM

Commentary5/29/19

Commentary5/29/19

Honey, If You Ever Have Any Questions About Sex, You Can Always Consult The Hundreds Of Pages Of Fan Fiction In My Closet

5/22/19

12:52 PM

Commentary5/22/19

Commentary5/22/19

I Am An Affront To God

5/21/19

12:38 PM

Commentary5/21/19

Commentary5/21/19

People Criticizing ‘Anthem’ Don’t Understand The Developer’s Vision Of A Game That Had To Come Out This Past Fiscal Year

5/15/19

1:50 PM

Commentary5/15/19

Commentary5/15/19

Traveling Is An Incredible Way To Meet Vulnerable People Nobody Will Go Looking For

5/10/19

12:10 PM

Commentary5/10/19

Commentary5/10/19

Islam Is Incompatible With Country-Western Culture

5/7/19

3:03 PM

Commentary5/7/19

Commentary5/7/19

Bye!

5/2/19

11:19 AM

Commentary5/2/19

Commentary5/2/19

Thank God We Didn’t Have Written Language Back When I Was A Teenager

4/29/19

12:08 PM

Commentary4/29/19

Commentary4/29/19

After Decades As A Print-Only Publication, Onion Gamers Network Has Decided That The Internet Is The Future Of Video Game Journalism

4/25/19

10:50 AM

Commentary4/25/19

Commentary4/25/19

I Will Personally Destroy The Chances Of Any 2020 Candidate Who Doesn’t Get Their Picture Taken Eating At Culver’s

4/18/19

4:39 PM

Commentary4/18/19

Commentary4/18/19

The Onion’s Legal Analysts Have Completed Their Official Count Of How Many Pages Are In The Mueller Report

3/28/19

9:14 AM

Commentary3/28/19

Commentary3/28/19

I Guess I’m Only Tough On Stains Because My Dad Was So Tough On Me

1/7/19

11:09 AM

Commentary1/7/19

Commentary1/7/19

It’s Not An Easy Thing To Admit When You’re Wrong, And That’s Why I Won’t Do It

12/20/18

11:45 AM

Commentary12/20/18

Commentary12/20/18

Ho, Ho, Ho! Send Me $100 Billion By Christmas Or I Will Detonate A Dirty Bomb In 5 Major Cities!

12/14/18

3:16 PM

Commentary12/14/18

Commentary12/14/18

This Is The Year I’m Finally Going To Burn Your House Down

12/7/18

12:25 PM

Commentary12/7/18

Commentary12/7/18

I May Not Be The Prettiest Girl In The Room, But What I Do Have Is A Gun

11/30/18

12:09 PM

Commentary11/30/18

Commentary11/30/18

If I Die, I Want You To Tell My Wife I Wasn’t Really That Super Into Her

10/16/18

3:29 PM

Commentary10/16/18

Commentary10/16/18

This Angry Mob Is Never Going To Grow Until We’re More Welcoming To New Members

5 Things To Know About The Auto Workers’ Strike

5 Things To Know About ‘American Horror Story: 1984’

Tips For Buying A Mattress

I Was In A Movie Called ‘Waterworld’ And Global Warming Is Causing Rising Sea Levels, So Is There Anything To That? Is That Worth Writing An Op-Ed About? No? I Dunno, Anyways…

Nintendo Never Should Have Pandered To Women And Created A Female Mario

At The Peak Of My Fame, I Could Have Slept With Any Werewolf, Mummy, Or Ghoul I Wanted

Honey, If You Ever Have Any Questions About Sex, You Can Always Consult The Hundreds Of Pages Of Fan Fiction In My Closet

I Am An Affront To God

People Criticizing ‘Anthem’ Don’t Understand The Developer’s Vision Of A Game That Had To Come Out This Past Fiscal Year

Traveling Is An Incredible Way To Meet Vulnerable People Nobody Will Go Looking For

Islam Is Incompatible With Country-Western Culture

Bye!

Thank God We Didn’t Have Written Language Back When I Was A Teenager

After Decades As A Print-Only Publication, Onion Gamers Network Has Decided That The Internet Is The Future Of Video Game Journalism

I Will Personally Destroy The Chances Of Any 2020 Candidate Who Doesn’t Get Their Picture Taken Eating At Culver’s

The Onion’s Legal Analysts Have Completed Their Official Count Of How Many Pages Are In The Mueller Report

I Guess I’m Only Tough On Stains Because My Dad Was So Tough On Me

It’s Not An Easy Thing To Admit When You’re Wrong, And That’s Why I Won’t Do It

Ho, Ho, Ho! Send Me $100 Billion By Christmas Or I Will Detonate A Dirty Bomb In 5 Major Cities!

This Is The Year I’m Finally Going To Burn Your House Down

I May Not Be The Prettiest Girl In The Room, But What I Do Have Is A Gun

If I Die, I Want You To Tell My Wife I Wasn’t Really That Super Into Her

This Angry Mob Is Never Going To Grow Until We’re More Welcoming To New Members

Netanyahu Falls Short Of Majority In Israeli Election

Mike Pompeo Appears With Families Of Lost Saudi Oil To Call For Justice

Adoption Agency Gives Couple Who Waited Long Time An Extra Kid Free Of Charge

I Was In A Movie Called ‘Waterworld’ And Global Warming Is Causing Rising Sea Levels, So Is There Anything To That? Is That Worth Writing An Op-Ed About? No? I Dunno, Anyways…

Nintendo Never Should Have Pandered To Women And Created A Female Mario

At The Peak Of My Fame, I Could Have Slept With Any Werewolf, Mummy, Or Ghoul I Wanted

Honey, If You Ever Have Any Questions About Sex, You Can Always Consult The Hundreds Of Pages Of Fan Fiction In My Closet

I Am An Affront To God

People Criticizing ‘Anthem’ Don’t Understand The Developer’s Vision Of A Game That Had To Come Out This Past Fiscal Year

Traveling Is An Incredible Way To Meet Vulnerable People Nobody Will Go Looking For

Islam Is Incompatible With Country-Western Culture

Bye!

Thank God We Didn’t Have Written Language Back When I Was A Teenager

After Decades As A Print-Only Publication, Onion Gamers Network Has Decided That The Internet Is The Future Of Video Game Journalism

I Will Personally Destroy The Chances Of Any 2020 Candidate Who Doesn’t Get Their Picture Taken Eating At Culver’s

The Onion’s Legal Analysts Have Completed Their Official Count Of How Many Pages Are In The Mueller Report

I Guess I’m Only Tough On Stains Because My Dad Was So Tough On Me

It’s Not An Easy Thing To Admit When You’re Wrong, And That’s Why I Won’t Do It

Ho, Ho, Ho! Send Me $100 Billion By Christmas Or I Will Detonate A Dirty Bomb In 5 Major Cities!

This Is The Year I’m Finally Going To Burn Your House Down

I May Not Be The Prettiest Girl In The Room, But What I Do Have Is A Gun

If I Die, I Want You To Tell My Wife I Wasn’t Really That Super Into Her

This Angry Mob Is Never Going To Grow Until We’re More Welcoming To New Members