CAPE ELIZABETH, ME—In what is being described as the most ruthless act of bovine–crustacean violence in years, local…
ATLANTA—Saying there was “no escape, no escape at all” from the deadly pathogens, disheveled Centers for Disease…
WASHINGTON—While using brightly colored magic markers to write articles in a makeshift bullpen deep beneath the White…
LOS ANGELES—In an effort to provide much-needed assistance to the beleaguered terrorist organization, a charity concert…
MILWAUKEE—Saying the newly unearthed materials would help shed light on the serial killer’s extensive oeuvre, the…
EAGLE BEACH, ARUBA—As part of Barack Obama’s exclusive deal to produce original content for the streaming service,…
SPRINGVILLE, UT—Concerned by the disturbing changes in her behavior since she discovered the site earlier this year,…
HOUSTON—Concluding the emotional response occurs shortly after the initial crack and thud, a study published Wednesday…
UPDATE: Onion Social announced today that the site was recently victim to a massive security breach, compromising…
NEW YORK—Adding to its lineup an alternate-history drama that has been hotly anticipated by viewers and critics alike,…
HARRODSBURG, KY—Moments after he mistakenly turned the shower knob in the wrong direction, local man Dennis Rowley…
BETHESDA, MD—In an alarming new study that sheds light on the hidden dangers of the popular protein, the National…
NEO-SEATTLE—Decrying the lack of decorum on display, an American from decades in the future remarked that politics was…
EARTH—Singling out you and you alone among the great many children of His wondrous and bountiful creation, God, the…
WASHINGTON—In a deeply disturbing finding that has sent shockwaves throughout the nation and the world, officials from…
SAN DIEGO—In an effort to challenge traditionally held views about animals and their habitats, the San Diego Zoo…
ARLINGTON, VA—In a historic decree proclaiming the time had come for blood to be shed upon every corner of the Earth…
MENLO PARK, CA—Responding to widespread criticism over the hoaxes and political disinformation featured on its…
WASHINGTON—Complaining that U.S. investigations into foreign interference in the election have gotten almost everything…
LEXINGTON, VA—Upending generations of conventional wisdom about the nature of armed conflict, a new study published…