NEW YORK CITY—Taking drastic measures to silence their critics, Saudi Arabia reportedly sent assassins to dismember the…
LONDON—Visibly upset as she huddled into her chair and glanced around the Family Planning Association waiting room, a…
DENVER, CO—Noting that the pathetic 30-year-old may as well have been invisible to the men around her, sources…
DUNCANVILLE, TX—Beckoning the boy to come closer so “Nana can feel those washboard abs,” local grandmother Shirley…
DENVER—Realizing with horror that they had forgotten to do a final sweep of the neonatal intensive care unit, nurses at…
SAN FRANCISCO—Admitting it would be rather awkward to come clean at this juncture now, retired American Airlines pilot…
PHILADELPHIA—Throughout the runtime of the two-hour movie, local mother of three Barbara Rosenstock, 62, took several…
LOS ANGELES—Insisting that a new age of unwinding was upon the world if they only paid attention, Kanye West jumped…
WASHINGTON—As criticism mounted over the country’s alleged role in the disappearance and possible death of journalist…
WASHINGTON—Sobbing uncontrollably as he ran into the room, Donald Trump Jr. asked his father, the 45th president of the…
WASHINGTON—Urging Congress to take action before the entire system was compromised, the Federal Election Commission…
CHICAGO—Saying there’s just no better way to get the fresh thoughts percolating, local woman Isabelle Garner, 28, told…
SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning that the 350-mile-wide Category 4 cyclonic storm system could strike any region of the United…
HOFFMAN ESTATES, IL—As the department store chain prepared to file for bankruptcy and close its retail locations, Sears…
EARTH—Insisting that the planet’s resources could be put to far better use than toward their own paltry existence, the…
PORTSMOUTH, NH—Calling the dish one of the tastiest she’s had in some time, 61-year-old mom Karyn Stockton continued to…
WASHINGTON—Logging countless hours in the Oval Office between warmly greeting foreign diplomats, an unusually serene…
CHICAGO—Saying the classical language was a practical choice for anyone interested in awakening the dead, a new report…
ATLANTA—Screaming as loudly as he could while army-crawling towards the “finicky” router, Gogo Internet technician Bart…
WASHINGTON—Calling the phenomenon “yummy yummy good,” the collective United States populace issued a statement…