Elizabeth Warren Disappointed After DNA Test Shows Zero Trace Of Presidential MaterialThe OnionYesterday 3:56pm
Banksy Hospitalized With Third-Degree Burns After Attempting To Cash Self-Destructing CheckThe Onion10/09/18 3:56pm
Pussy-Hat-Wearing Jeff Flake Spotted Protesting Outside Senate Ahead Of Voting Yes For KavanaughThe Onion10/06/18 1:00pm
High School Kicker Finds It Helpful To Imagine Football As Object That Needs To Be Kicked Through Goal Posts In Order To Gain PointsThe Onion10/05/18 9:54am
Jared Kushner Spends Fourth Consecutive Day Silently Ensnared In Decorative White House Spider WebsThe Onion10/04/18 11:11am
Trump Mocks Christine Blasey Ford For Forgetting Basic Facts About A Woman’s PlaceThe Onion10/03/18 2:21pm
Single Woman Would Love To Hear Them Call Her Lonely Now That She Has Basil PlantThe Onion10/03/18 10:54am
White House Insists It Won’t Dictate The Manner In Which Kavanaugh ExoneratedThe Onion10/01/18 2:25pm
GOP Claims Kavanaugh Shouldn’t Lose Appointment For Youthful Indiscretion Of Repeatedly Lying Under OathThe Onion9/28/18 1:37pm
Blushing Brett Kavanaugh Admits He Flattered Christine Blasey Ford Never Forgot His LaughThe Onion9/28/18 11:44am
GOP Mulls Forcing Christine Blasey Ford To Publicly Apologize To Kavanaugh Just For Hell Of ItThe Onion9/28/18 11:24am
Orrin Hatch: ‘As A Father Of Daughters, I Don’t Give A Flying Fuck What Happens To Them’The Onion9/28/18 11:14am
Kavanaugh: ‘I Am Not Denying That Ford Was Sexually Assaulted In Some Alternate Dimension, Plane Of Existence’The Onion9/27/18 3:56pm
