Trump: ‘The Only Way To Find Out What Happened At The Saudi Consulate Is To Send In More Journalists One At A Time’The OnionToday 11:06am
Melania’s Heart Sinks After Realizing Husband Uses Pet Name ‘Horseface’ For Every Woman He FucksThe OnionYesterday 2:35pm
Elizabeth Warren Disappointed After DNA Test Shows Zero Trace Of Presidential MaterialThe OnionMonday 3:56pm
Banksy Hospitalized With Third-Degree Burns After Attempting To Cash Self-Destructing CheckThe Onion10/09/18 3:56pm
Pussy-Hat-Wearing Jeff Flake Spotted Protesting Outside Senate Ahead Of Voting Yes For KavanaughThe Onion10/06/18 1:00pm
High School Kicker Finds It Helpful To Imagine Football As Object That Needs To Be Kicked Through Goal Posts In Order To Gain PointsThe Onion10/05/18 9:54am
Jared Kushner Spends Fourth Consecutive Day Silently Ensnared In Decorative White House Spider WebsThe Onion10/04/18 11:11am
Trump Mocks Christine Blasey Ford For Forgetting Basic Facts About A Woman’s PlaceThe Onion10/03/18 2:21pm
Single Woman Would Love To Hear Them Call Her Lonely Now That She Has Basil PlantThe Onion10/03/18 10:54am
White House Insists It Won’t Dictate The Manner In Which Kavanaugh ExoneratedThe Onion10/01/18 2:25pm
