Photo Finish - America's Finest News Source | The Onion

America's Finest News Source.

America's Finest News Source.

The latest news from The Onion's Photo Finish coverage all in one place and updated daily.

4/2/20

12:48 PM

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Quarantined Umpire Cleans His Entire Home With Tiny Brush

3/18/20

12:56 PM

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Bucs Sign Replacement-Level Veteran To Hold Down QB Position Until They Draft Starter

3/17/20

12:21 PM

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Tom Brady: ‘I Want To Thank All The Insufferable New England Fans For Giving Me A Reason To Get The Hell Out Of Here’

3/12/20

4:19 PM

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James Harden Pledges 10 Million Dollar Bills To Keep Nation’s Strip Clubs Afloat During Pandemic

2/27/20

4:57 PM

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Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association Horrified To Learn Madison Bumgarner Risking Health As Baseball Pitcher

2/6/20

1:56 PM

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Hawks, Celtics, Nets, Hornets, Bulls, Cavs, Mavs, Nuggets, Pistons, Warriors, Rockets, Pacers, Clippers, Lakers, Grizzlies, Heat, Bucks, Timberwolves, Pelicans, Knicks, Thunder, Magic, 76ers, Suns, Blazers, Kings, Spurs, Raptors, Jazz, Wizards Complete Rare 30-Team Swap Of Future Second-Rounders

2/5/20

1:17 PM

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Chiefs Fan Adjusting To New Life Of Solely Being Depressed About Life In Missouri

2/3/20

12:06 PM

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Andy Reid After Super Bowl Win: ‘I Can Now Die Of A Heart Attack In Peace’

2/2/20

10:12 PM

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Chiefs Finally Overcome Curse Of Not Being Good For A Very Long Time

2/2/20

8:10 PM

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‘She’s About My Age,’ Reports Mom Watching Halftime Show

2/2/20

7:17 PM

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FOX Adds Highlighted Line On Field Showing Women How Far Away They Should Stay From Tyreek Hill

2/2/20

5:30 PM

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Panicked Referee Trying To Retrieve Super Bowl Coin From Vending Machine Before Opening Toss

1/26/20

2:50 PM

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Pro Bowl Players Not In Game Asked To Sit In Stands To Make Stadium Look Less Empty

11/21/19

1:47 PM

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Matthew Stafford Admits He’d Play Through Back Injury For Better Team Than Lions

11/20/19

11:00 PM

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Clippers Ask Everyone To Keep It Down While They Rest Kawhi Leonard

11/17/19

8:20 PM

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Guy Who Had Least To Do With Play’s Success Celebrating The Most

11/17/19

12:50 PM

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Fox Preempts Jets-Redskins Game In First Quarter For More Exciting Shot Of Empty ‘NFL Sunday’ Studio

11/10/19

5:55 PM

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Grizzled, White-Bearded Donald Driver Emerges From 7-Year-Long Lambeau Leap

11/3/19

11:50 AM

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Self-Conscious NFL Referee Practices Raising Both Arms In Front Of Bathroom Mirror Before Game

11/2/19

2:20 PM

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Adam Eaton Spends Nationals Parade In Secure Bunker As Team’s Designated Survivor

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