Obama is currently being chased around in the background of a Secret Service hearing, U.S. officials assure Hong…

7.1 billion people demonstrate in favor of global warming, Obama now sleeps with a Louisville Slugger under his bed,…

Experts confirm the British Empire will be reduced to 8 square acres around Buckingham Palace by 2050, a reclusive…

The NFL announces a new zero-tolerance policy on videotaped domestic violence, a puzzled nation can remember the…

I-90 adds a lane for drivers traveling cross country to stop a woman from marrying the wrong man, a job applicant…

An unpopular police officer thinks about committing a racially motivated offense for a little support, a middle-aged…

A battleship is awkwardly propped up against the Ferguson Police Department, an area Facebook user is incredibly…

A local man feels even lazier when he thinks about how much ISIS has accomplished this year, a police officer…

A civilian casualty is flattered to have been mistaken for a Hamas leader, the entirety of a man’s personal data is…

Medical experts announce that an Ebola vaccine is at least 50 white people away from being developed, a new poll…

A new report finds climate change skeptics could reach catastrophic levels by 2020, the nation’s gratuitously sexual…

Everyone in the Middle East is given their own country in a 317,000,000-state solution, NASA announces plans to…

The U.S. Government sets aside 600,000 acres of pristine land for future generations to pollute, John Kerry says ‘to…

A prison rights group protests the treatment of supervillains in the nation’s magnetic detainment cubes, a local dad…

States offer millions in tax breaks to any person who says ‘high-tech jobs,’ a child is entertained for five minutes…

New EPA regulations force power plants to find 30% more loopholes by 2030, President Obama already knows who he’s…

The only nation where this regularly happens concludes that there’s no way to prevent this, a college rape victim is…

Scientists politely remind the world that clean energy technology is ready to go whenever, a new study finds most…

Congress splits into male and female senators to discuss the newest reproductive bill, a man feels guilty about…

A poll finds 56% of voters think the country is better off than it was 4 eons ago, a brutally honest new Revlon ad…