Scientists Find Strong Link Between Male Virility, Wearing Mötley Crüe Denim Jacket
A new study from Harvard University found that men who wear Mötley Crüe denim jackets on a regular basis showed…
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Scientists Teach Father To Communicate Emotions Using Rudimentary Hand Gestures
A team of researchers successfully teach a father how to express his own emotions.
Should Companies Discontinue Unpaid Intern Fights?
Many critics are questioning whether interns deserve to be paid when pummeling each other for their supervisors'…
CEO Says Office Shooting Could Not Have Come At A Worse Time For Company
A tragic scene in Virginia as a gunman opened fire at the offices of SlashForward Marketing. Managers described the…
Horrified Subway Execs Assumed People Were Buying Footlongs To Share With A Friend
The sandwich chain says it is 'deeply sorry' if customers mistakenly believed that eating an entire foot of food could…
GOP Maintains Solid Hold On Youth That Already Look Like Old Men
The Republican Party may have an insurmountable lead among young voters who dress and act like they’re already 50 years…
U.S. Forest Service Kills Off Smokey Bear To Get People Serious About Fire Safety
Hoping to reinforce their fire safety message, the U.S. Forest Service debuted a brand new ad campaign featuring the…
Super Hurricane Said to Be Even More Powerful Than Bogdan, World's Strongest Man
The National Weather Service is warning that Tropical Storm Dennis could rival the strength of Bogdan, with wind louder…
Breaking: Tour De France On Hold As Cyclists Ride Over To Creek To Check Out Bugs
The legendary bicycle race is on hold after excited riders discovered a secret path through a forest that had tons of…
Deadly Super Rainbow Tears Through West Coast
Dozens in California are killed after a powerful Super Rainbow burns a trail of destruction across the state.
Meat Prices Skyrocket After Cow Smashing Machine Gets All Beefed Up
The price of meat in the U.S. hit a record high this week after the big machine that takes all the cows and smashes…
Beard Husks On Sidewalk Indicate Start Of Hipster Molting Season
If you hear the telltale crunch of a hipster’s discarded beard under your feet, don’t worry: experts say the hirsute…
Comcast Executive’s One-Man Show Now Mandatory Viewing For All Subscribers
The cable giant continues to reshape the media landscape, bundling company Vice President Brandon Graves’ interpretive…
Ohio Replaces Lethal Injection With Humane New Head-Ripping-Off Machine
Seeking a more humane method of carrying out capital punishment, Ohio’s new machine yanks inmates heads from their…
Should Obama Blow The Silver Horn The Founding Fathers Left In Case The Country Ever Needed Them?
The Founding Fathers promised to return upon hearing the enchanted horn, but warned it should only be used in times of…
Nation Successfully Completes Mother’s Day By 9:18 A.M.
The day-long holiday paying tribute to the ones who selflessly gave us life was successfully wrapped up nearly 20…
NASA Discovers This Planet, Planet Earth, Just Might Be What It’s Been Searching For All Along
After years of launching shuttles, probes, and telescopes to see what the universe had to offer, NASA says it's ready…
Hurricane Ashley Expected To Strike Several Bars This Cinco De Mayo
The screaming whirlwind of drunkenness has been gathering strength all week and has already made a mess of herself in a…
Teen Boys Losing Virginity Earlier And Earlier, Report Teen Boys
A shocking new study that asked teen boys about their sexual habits reveals that they are all having sex all the time…
George W. Bush Debuts New Paintings Of Dogs, Friends, Ghost Of Iraqi Child That Follows Him Everywhere
President Bush has a new hobby — painting! — and he’s showing off some new watercolors of the undead Iraqi boy who…
