ELK CREEK, CA—Admitting that the natural disaster gave them a much-needed chance to kick back and relax, state police officers acknowledged their relief Thursday that the rampant wildfires spreading throughout California were forcing families out of their homes for them. “You know a huge part of the job is forcibly removing people from their houses and apartments, and fortunately, uncontrolled blazes are doing our work for us,” said officer Tom Boccia, noting that the massive blazes had been so efficient at causing sobbing citizens to flee their homes with any possessions they could carry that he had been able to leave work early for the first time in weeks. “Especially with coronavirus, it’s risky to have such close contact with so many people, so the fire is doing us a huge favor. Plus, if any of these people get severely injured or burned to death while they’re trying to get back into their houses, nobody cries ‘brutality,’ so it’s really a win-win for us.” Boccia went on to praise the fires’ smoke-filled air and punishing heat for providing a deterrent to homeless Californians living on the street.
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