Californians Explain Why They Left For Texas

Californians Explain Why They Left For Texas

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Due to its low taxes, affordable home prices, and strong job market, Texas has become a very appealing place to live for many West Coasters. The Onion asked several people why they moved from California to Texas, and this is what they said.

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Anthony Morrow (Compliance Officer)

Anthony Morrow (Compliance Officer)

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“I’ve always loved California, but I read on social media that it was bad. What choice did I have?”

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Ryan Madrigal (Roofer)

Ryan Madrigal (Roofer)

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“I wanted to live in a place where things like ‘faith’ and ‘America’ aren’t just words but words that get repeated a lot.”

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Nathan Haverford (Project Manager)

Nathan Haverford (Project Manager)

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“Immigration is a serious threat to our country, and I just wasn’t comfortable raising my family in a state that shares a border with Mexico.”

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James Marsden (Actor)

James Marsden (Actor)

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“I got cast as the lead in a Houston regional Shakespeare production. I think this could be my big break!”

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Noah Hutchins (Systems Analyst)

Noah Hutchins (Systems Analyst)

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“My wife and I are starting a family, and for what we paid for a studio apartment in California, we got dominion over all of Houston.”

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Peter Waterford (Retiree)

Peter Waterford (Retiree)

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“At least one part of my California home has been on fire since June 2019, so I’ll move pretty much anywhere at this point.”

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Corey Melcher (Pesticide and Children’s Toy Factory Owner)

Corey Melcher (Pesticide and Children’s Toy Factory Owner)

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“Onerous regulations.”

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Douglas Fairbanks (Engineer)

Douglas Fairbanks (Engineer)

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“I actually move states and change my name once every three months for reasons I would prefer not to get into right now.”

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Jill Sanchez (Attorney)

Jill Sanchez (Attorney)

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“Oh, I’ve always lived in Texas. I was just getting an abortion in California.”

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Marcy Wilder (Alamo Tour Guide)

Marcy Wilder (Alamo Tour Guide)

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“I just think Texas is gonna be a better fit.”

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Charlotte Renteria (Stay-at-Home Mom)

Charlotte Renteria (Stay-at-Home Mom)

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“I was really troubled by the homelessness, so I wanted to move to a place where they do a better job of sweeping it under the rug.”

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Chris Ng (Broker)

Chris Ng (Broker)

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“I moved because of the low taxes, which puts more money in my pocket and less into government programs that I’ll later complain about being underfunded.”

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Benjamin Leonard (Production Assistant)

Benjamin Leonard (Production Assistant)

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“I was told this was East L.A.”

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David Kinsler (Arsonist)

David Kinsler (Arsonist)

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“Looking for more of a challenge.”

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Mark Hanson (Teacher)

Mark Hanson (Teacher)

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“The cost of living is much lower here, so I’m able to really stretch out my pathetic salary.”

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Greg Valdez (Personal Trainer)

Greg Valdez (Personal Trainer)

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“I love the thrill of living on the frontier without guaranteed electricity or food.”

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Chaz P. White (Technical Writer)

Chaz P. White (Technical Writer)

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“Too many letters in ‘California.’”

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Theodore Smith (Car Salesman)

Theodore Smith (Car Salesman)

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“I’ve heard that Texas tends to be a better place to live for people trying to stalk San Antonio Spurs center Jakob Poeltl.”

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Laura Fazuli (Nanny)

Laura Fazuli (Nanny)

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“I go where the rich, absentee parents go.”

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Scott Weston (Software Engineer)

Scott Weston (Software Engineer)

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“I’d rather own a house with no electricity than rent a house with electricity.”

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James Renaud (Teacher)

James Renaud (Teacher)

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“The judge said I couldn’t be within 500 miles of my wife.”

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Carl Paddington (Dog Walker)

Carl Paddington (Dog Walker)

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“The Great Dane I was walking just kind of pulled me here.”

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Barbara Stevens (New Mom)

Barbara Stevens (New Mom)

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“Read an article that ranked Texas as the No. 1 place to raise your unwanted kid.”

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Gavin Newsom (Governor)

Gavin Newsom (Governor)

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“I just really do not like the direction California is going in.”

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