LA CROSSE, WI—After showing off the campus' science center and sports complex to his 1:30 p.m. tour group Tuesday, University Of Wisconsin-La Crosse tour guide Thomas Bloomquist reportedly led the assemblage of roughly a dozen prospective students and their families into nearby Eagle Hall dormitory and down a stairwell to the facility's basement, explaining that he just needed to make a quick stop to change out his laundry. “Eagle Hall is one of the newest buildings on campus, houses over 350 students, and has a brand-new media lab—and hang on, this will only take a second; I really have to get this done,” Bloomquist was overheard saying as members of the tour group squeezed between tables of detergent, scattered Tide Pods, and abandoned socks as he gathered bundles of damp clothes out of a washing machine and placed them into one of the stacked dryer units. “A lot of underclassmen—sorry, can you hand me those dryer sheets?—a lot of underclassmen like living in Eagle Hall because its closets are bigger, and it’s right next to the dining hall. Crap, would any of you happen to have any extra quarters? I need to snag this machine before someone else does.” At press time, sources confirmed Bloomquist was yelling over the sound of the dryer’s “permanent press” function, instructing everyone to follow him over to Centennial Hall so he could turn in his lab assignment.

Brought to you by Tide