Canadians React To American Gun Laws

“I’m for whatever leads to fewer Americans.”

“I’m just surprised they have any gun laws at all.”

“It’s just nice to know that the sanctity of human life is still up for debate. Man, I hate human life.”

“Whew, this takes a lot of pressure off me constantly fucking up at work.”

“I wish it were easier to get a gun here. And maybe a single, personalized bullet form-fitted to the shape of my skull. Just thinking out loud.”

“So you’re telling me it’s legal there to put a rifle inside of a party sub? No? That’s not what you’re telling me?”

“Please, put the gun down, and I’ll answer your question.”

“You can borrow our constitution if you want.”

“I am sending thoughts and prayers to my manager in the hope he never books me in that hellhole again.”

“The biggest risk Canadian schoolchildren face is the occasional moose rampage.”

“I’ve never met a gun before, so I’m not sure how they would like to be treated.”

“I went to New York last summer and couldn’t believe how many guns I saw in a single afternoon. Anyone of any age could buy one, no paperwork, no background check, as long as they had the cash. I bought three myself, one from a cart vendor at the park, one slathered in mustard from a woman roaming the aisles at a Yankees game, and one of the infamous footlong ones from Coney Island.”

“So that’s why all the best mass shootings happen in America.”

“My song ‘Complicated’ is actually about how the U.S. gun lobby’s tight hold on Congress prevents effective regulatory policy.”

“I wish Americans would learn you can still be a right-wing nutjob without owning any weapons.”

“Honk, honk, honk!!!”

“I find it highly disturbing that anyone would let Americans write their own laws.”

“I can’t imagine feeling unsafe in a Tim Hortons.”

“Wow, Canada is miles ahead of you. Plus, don’t forget about our super hot prime minister: John Diefenbaker, who served from 1957 to 1963.”

“But don’t forget that it gets slightly chillier up here.”

“I put up a fence around my property to protect against bullet ricochets from the United States.”