
Canadians React To American Gun Laws
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Keith Depe (Architect)

“I’m for whatever leads to fewer Americans.”
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Pamela Higgins (Doctor)

“I’m just surprised they have any gun laws at all.”
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Lisa Wen (Hair Stylist)

“It’s just nice to know that the sanctity of human life is still up for debate. Man, I hate human life.”
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Justin Trudeau (Prime Minister)

“Whew, this takes a lot of pressure off me constantly fucking up at work.”
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Patty Edwards (School Administrator)

“I wish it were easier to get a gun here. And maybe a single, personalized bullet form-fitted to the shape of my skull. Just thinking out loud.”
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Eloise Hines (Deli Worker)

“So you’re telling me it’s legal there to put a rifle inside of a party sub? No? That’s not what you’re telling me?”
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Helen Ratcliffe (Taxi Driver)

“Please, put the gun down, and I’ll answer your question.”
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Gabby Patel (Sales Representative)

“You can borrow our constitution if you want.”
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Céline Dion (Singer)

“I am sending thoughts and prayers to my manager in the hope he never books me in that hellhole again.”
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Nader Kasem (Truck Driver)

“The biggest risk Canadian schoolchildren face is the occasional moose rampage.”
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Gale Cresswell (Librarian)

“I’ve never met a gun before, so I’m not sure how they would like to be treated.”
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Mark Thomas (Insurance Adjuster)

“I went to New York last summer and couldn’t believe how many guns I saw in a single afternoon. Anyone of any age could buy one, no paperwork, no background check, as long as they had the cash. I bought three myself, one from a cart vendor at the park, one slathered in mustard from a woman roaming the aisles at a Yankees game, and one of the infamous footlong ones from Coney Island.”
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Hillary Hunley (Hair Stylist)

“So that’s why all the best mass shootings happen in America.”
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Avril Lavigne (Singer)

“My song ‘Complicated’ is actually about how the U.S. gun lobby’s tight hold on Congress prevents effective regulatory policy.”
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Lucas Speed (Certified Public Accountant)

“I wish Americans would learn you can still be a right-wing nutjob without owning any weapons.”
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Goose (Bird)

“Honk, honk, honk!!!”
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Lisa Paz (Store Manager)

“I find it highly disturbing that anyone would let Americans write their own laws.”
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Kareem Ghonaim (Engineer)

“I can’t imagine feeling unsafe in a Tim Hortons.”
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Liz Kane (Dog Walker)

“Wow, Canada is miles ahead of you. Plus, don’t forget about our super hot prime minister: John Diefenbaker, who served from 1957 to 1963.”
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Anja O’Connor (Camp Site Attendant)

“But don’t forget that it gets slightly chillier up here.”
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Richard Shuker (Dentist)

“I put up a fence around my property to protect against bullet ricochets from the United States.”
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