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Cancer Researchers Develop Highly Promising New Pink Consumer Item

Illustration for article titled Cancer Researchers Develop Highly Promising New Pink Consumer Item

WASHINGTON—Hailing it as a landmark moment in the fight against one of the nation’s leading causes of death, a coalition of top breast cancer researchers announced Monday the development of a highly promising new pink consumer item. “After years of rigorous trials and test marketing, our team can confirm that this breakthrough product is both neon-pink and available for purchase,” said lead researcher Noah Weissman, who added that manufacturing facilities would quickly ramp up production of the revolutionary brightly colored consumer good to "get it in the hands of as many people as possible." “While we have made significant advances in our field over the years with other pink items and apparel, we believe this new commodity has the ability to be purchased by tens or even hundreds of thousands of people across the country. These are the breakthroughs we work so hard to achieve.” Weissman added that nothing is more fulfilling for him and his team than seeing a consumer who has been given another chance at owning something pink.


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