Candidate Profile: Democratic VP Nominee Kamala Harris

Illustration for article titled Candidate Profile: Democratic VP Nominee Kamala Harris

Senator Kamala Harris was announced Tuesday as Joe Biden’s vice presidential pick for the 2020 Democratic Party ticket. The Onion takes a look at Harris’ background, political history, and what she brings to the 2020 election.


Ethnicity: Perfect, just perfect.

Childhood Dream: Waiting for the president to die in office.

Greatest Liability: Prominent association with Joe Biden.

Progressive Bona Fides: Provided housing to thousands of low-level offenders she convicted.

Signature Debate Moment: Nailing clarinet solo in talent portion.

How She Clinched VP Slot: Bonded with Biden over shared experience running extremely unsuccessful presidential campaigns.

Bite Force: 230 PSI.

Chances She’ll Shoot Friend In Face On Hunting Trip: Low.

Number Of Times Biden Has Called Her Michelle So Far: 23.

Contribution To Ticket: Centrist counterbalance to Biden’s centrism.