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Candidate Profile: Jeb Bush

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Former Florida governor Jeb Bush announced his candidacy Monday for the Republican nomination in the 2016 presidential election, putting one of the early frontrunners in the polls officially into the race. Here are some key facts to know about Jeb Bush:

  • Birthplace: Shadow of his father and brother
  • Heritage: Seventh-generation Establishment
  • Languages: Fluent in both rich and poor
  • Connection To Hispanic Community: Checks out
  • Number Of Public Battles Over Coma Patients’ Right To Die That He’d Like To Have Back: 1
  • Biggest Obstacle To GOP Nomination: Has publicly acknowledged the humanity of illegal immigrants
  • Greatest Qualification: Already knows White House layout pretty well
  • Greatest Liability: O, what fickle hand of fate! ’Tis the very same privileged background that elevated him to such prominence in the first place!
  • As A Child Was Traumatized After Walking In On His Mother, Barbara Bush, Stepping Out Of The Shower: Possibly