Improved lung capacity from taking monster bong rips.
For every year of marijuana use, a person is one year closer to death.
May lead to good long-term memories.
Regular smoking increases the chances of lung cancer, but suppresses vomiting during chemo, so that’s kind of a wash.
Loss of circulation to the part of your brain that regulates sandal choices.
766: Hours of R&D spent coming up with names for products like “LOL Edibles Captain Munch Weed-Infused Cereal” and “CannaPunch Grand Daddy Grape Juice”
$25: How much you just got overcharged for that eighth
62: Percent of Americans in favor of legalizing new thing to buy
73.6%: Jobless rate after every hourly employee in the country fails their mandatory drug test
$29 million: Tidy profit John Boehner will turn on board of marijuana company after spending entire career fighting for harsher possession sentencing
5: Number of roads repaired using marijuana tax money
Kansas: The state requires any resident hoping to smoke marijuana to drive over to Colorado.
Florida: Legalized marijuana in 2016 as a medical alternative to getting high on PCP and bringing an alligator to IHOP.
Mississippi: This state doesn’t have laws of any kind.
Illinois: Leadership has pledged to legalize marijuana as soon as they figure out the best way for them to wet their beaks.
Washington: The only thing that’s a crime here is how expensive edibles are.
Washington, D.C.: Legalized in a ballot initiative by D.C. voters but barred from commercial sale by Congress in what you’ve got to admit sums up the argument in support of D.C. statehood.
Wyoming: It’s illegal, but the nearest police station is over 60 miles away so you’re probably fine.
8 in 10: Incarcerated marijuana dealers who leave prison with far more business connections and industry knowledge than competitors who never get arrested.
$3,400,000,000: Amount U.S. authorities spend per year on dreadlock wigs to be used in undercover marijuana busts.
12 oz.: Amount of marijuana one must possess in order to be legally considered a kingpin.
25%: Chances of police busting down random door of a house anywhere in the U.S. and finding weed.
3: Years of average possession sentence for a black man discovered carrying 0 lbs of marijuana.
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