ROCKFORD, IL—As she walked through a traveling fair in town for the weekend and observed the ramshackle condition of the entire operation, local teen Ryley Graham pointed out Friday that one of the carnival workers was practically being held together with duct tape. “It looks like that guy is only standing because of all that tape wrapped around him,” the 17-year-old said of the derelict ride operator, noting that he “looked like he was from the 1950s,” was clearly missing a few parts, and might crumble at any minute. “I don’t know, guys, he seems pretty shaky, and he’s clearly swaying from side to side. I really don’t think he’s supposed to be smoking, either. Oh God, did you hear that? He’s creaking and rattling every time he moves. Plus, he’s covered in vomit.” At press time, Graham and her friends were reportedly entering their third hour on a high-speed aerial ride called the Scrambler after the fraying duct tape came apart and the carnival worker collapsed into a pile of limbs and dust.
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