Cash-Strapped Couple Forced To Share Bed

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KANSAS CITY, MO—Calling it a “financial necessity” that hopefully wouldn’t last for more than a few months, 33-year-old Josh Gallagher told reporters Thursday that he and his girlfriend had become so cash-strapped that they were forced to share a bed. “It’s definitely been a challenge, but since losing our jobs, we’ve slept on the same mattress from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m., every single night,” said Gallagher, adding that while it wouldn’t have been his first choice to share something as private as the same sheets, comforter, and pillows with his girlfriend, for now, they had no choice. “Look, these are desperate times—if you told me last year that I’d be going to bed and waking up just inches away from my partner of six years, I’d have called you crazy. But hey, we all hit road bumps, and hopefully, one day we’ll both look back on this crazy time in our lives where we shared a bed, a couch, and a fridge as just another setback.” At press time, Gallagher expressed relief that he and his girlfriend didn’t have to resort to sharing the same sexual partner.