CDC Announces Children Will Be Last To Receive Covid Vaccine Because What Are Those Little Twerps Going To Do About It

‘Huh? Huh? What Are You Going To Do, Cry?’

Illustration for article titled CDC Announces Children Will Be Last To Receive Covid Vaccine Because What Are Those Little Twerps Going To Do About It
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ATLANTA—Outlining their priorities guiding the development and distribution of an immunizing agent against the deadly virus, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reportedly announced Tuesday that children will be the last to receive a Covid-19 vaccine because what are those little twerps going to do about it? “Huh? Huh? If we don’t get around to getting a vaccine that works for you for a long time, what are you going to do, cry?” said CDC director Robert Redfield, demonstrating the agency’s plan for children by holding a vial high above his head where those scrawny wimps wouldn’t be able to reach it. “We’ll make a vaccine and give it to every adult in America but not any of you. You can’t even vote, why should we care what a bunch of pipsqueaks like you want? What are you going to do, tell your mom on us? Yeah, whine about it. Tire yourselves out and take a nap.” The CDC announced that any coronavirus medication would come with “the mother of all child-proof seals” since what could a bunch of stupid little babies do to stop them.

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