Illustration for article titled CDC Warns Once-Eradicated Jitterbug Spreading Across Country At Rate Not Seen Since 1940s

ATLANTA—Saying that they’d seen a significant spike in reported cases, the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released a statement Thursday warning that the once-eradicated jitterbug has started to spread across the country at a rate not seen since the 1940s. “We thought we had completely wiped out the jitterbug, but unfortunately, it’s come surging back and young people are at the greatest risk,” said CDC spokesperson Rebeccah Lior, explaining that the affliction typically starts at one’s hands and spreads to the feet, manifesting in symptoms such as uncontrollable finger snapping, hip-swinging, and tapping of the toes. “We haven’t seen outbreaks this significant since around World War II. Until we figure out how to best stymie the spread of the jitterbug, it’s important to take precautions, such as not letting your children go to public dance halls or gin joints where it can be contracted.” Lior went on to add that the return of the jitterbug could lead to the resurgence of other once nearly wiped-out scourges such as the Watusi and the mashed potato. 

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