After a leaked Supreme Court decision indicated Roe vs. Wade would be overturned, many were shocked and appalled. The Onion asked celebrities how they are supporting legal access to abortion, and this is what they said.
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“Every day I go to the Capitol Building and get one Frisbee stuck on its roof to signal to our lawmakers that I won’t stand for this assault on women.”
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“I’ve slept with three Supreme Court justices so far. Three more to go, then: Turn them on each other.”
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“I will personally be administering vasectomies to any sexually active teens in the audience tonight.”
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“We need abortion rights. Our cast for Fast And Furious is already too big.”
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“I am moving all of my upcoming projects to Texas so I can then very publicly move all of my upcoming projects out of Texas.”
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“I opened an abortion clinic in my pool house.”
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“This is the first I’m hearing of it. What’s abortion?”
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“Every time I see a pregnant woman, I yell at her belly.”
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“Have you seen The Handmaid’s Tale? How much more does a lady have to do?”
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“I give $5 to every woman I see on the street.”
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“Before they even have to ask, I pull out and finish on their dry-clean-only comforter instead.”
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“Not only are abortion rights important, but so are the NDAs to prevent anyone from hearing about one.”
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“For John Wick, I spent months training so I would know my way around tactical weapons. Silenced sniper rifles, stuff like that. Say the word right now, and I’ll put a bullet right between Brett Kavanaugh’s eyes. I’m not kidding. I’m in a tree outside his house right now.”
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“When you hung out with Jeffrey Epstein like I did, you support abortion with all your might.”
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“I will drive anyone in the world to a clinic, no questions asked.”
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“Women’s bodies should not be so fine. God, ladies, your bodies? Incredible. You’re all so beautiful.”
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“Amazon will proudly cover employees’ travel costs to secure a pregnancy test.”
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“This fight will now be fought at the local level. I’ll be donating to efforts that provide abortions to the women of Calabasas.”
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“I set up an automated monthly donation to my local Planned Parenthood branch!”
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“I tweet about voting. It’s really all anyone can do.”
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