ATLANTA—Sharing the exciting news with employees in a company-wide email, William Tannahill, the CEO of Broadacre Industries, announced Monday that he had promoted himself to senior CEO. “I’d like to take a moment to congratulate myself on a job well done,” said Tannahill, who noted that in addition to a change of title, the promotion would come with a modest pay bump of a few hundred thousand dollars. “This long-overdue promotion comes after years of toughing it out as a chief executive officer. In addition to my current day-to-day duties of creating no value, I will take on the increased responsibilities of being an enormous drain on the entire company. Congratulations, me! I deserve it.” At press time, Tannahill was reportedly celebrating by laying off a dozen low-level staffers.