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CES Presenter Strangled By Tree Root As Nature Begins Revolt Against Technological Domination

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WINCHESTER, NV—In a turn of events that sent attendees and tech reporters fleeing in terror, sources confirmed Consumer Electronics Show presenter Adam Pawlak was strangled to death by a tree root Friday as nature revolted against 10,000 years of human technological domination. Witnesses confirmed that Pawlak had begun to introduce Samsung’s new QLED 8K display technology when the root of an oak tree burst through the stage’s floor, wrapped itself around his neck, and crushed his windpipe. A thick branch then reportedly skewered his limp corpse from anus to mouth and raised it into the air in an apparent demonstration of Mother Nature’s return to global supremacy. Sources added that attempts to escape nature’s punishment for the hubris of human innovation were quickly foiled as panicked spectators found the exits blocked by razor-sharp thorns and brambles. Various birds of prey are then believed to have ambushed those in attendance by smashing through the conference center’s windows and pecking out the eyes of screaming technology enthusiasts, while thousands of raccoons, bees, snakes, and jaguars streamed into the building and began ripping away at any human flesh in their path. At press time, authorities reported finding no survivors after entering the eerily silent Las Vegas Convention Center to find heaping piles of desiccated corpses entirely overgrown with fungi.