RICHTON, MS—After being reminded of the district’s zero-tolerance policy, chaperones for the Richton High School prom were reportedly instructed Friday to turn away any students who showed up to the dance with pussy on their breath. “Be on the lookout for kids who seem sweaty or flushed, and if you catch even a whiff of pussy on them, I want you to call over an administrator immediately,” said Richton vice principal Tony Schultz, noting that the school had issues last year with upperclassmen vomiting on the dance floor after sucking and fucking too much in the janitor’s closet. “It’s unacceptable to engage in this type of lewd behavior just because it’s prom. I don’t care if they say their parents let them do it at home. This is a school function, and we cannot have students just reeking of pussy. These kids think they’re clever, chewing gum or spraying cologne to mask the smell when it’s obvious they were orally pleasuring each other inside the limo. We can’t control what they do when the dance ends, but if they want to fool around with cunnilingus, save it for the hotel afterparty.” At press time, the student body was rocked by the death of four popular seniors who crashed into a tree while eating each other out.
We may earn a commission from links on this page.
The Onion Cuts Up All Our Boyfriend’s Jeans