DULUTH, MN—Noting the palpable effort being exerted by the online resource, sources confirmed Thursday that children’s educational website Science4Kidz.com was clearly struggling to come up with 10 facts pertaining to slugs. “They started out pretty strong with, ‘Slugs have thousands of tiny teeth,’ but there was a huge drop when fact number two was, ‘Most slugs are brown or gray,’ and I knew we were in trouble,” said visitor Alice Barbin, adding that the site had competently provided factoids about cheetahs and bald eagles, but floundered with subsequent facts such as, “Slugs can be found in gardens,” and, “The word for slug in Spanish is ‘babosa.’” “By the time you get halfway through the list, they’re really phoning it in with stuff like, ‘Slugs like moisture,’ and ‘Slugs need water to survive,’ which are basically the same fact and apply to 99% of all living creatures. And fact eight is, ‘There’s still a lot we don’t know about slugs,’ which is just objectively untrue. Honestly, they probably should have just stopped at five or six slug facts. It’s not like anyone was going to call them out on it.” At press time, Barbin had left the website in disgust after the final fact was revealed to be, “What’s your favorite thing about slugs?”
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