CHENGDU, CHINA—Expressing concerns about the blockbuster’s incoherent narrative and lack of real character development, local man Zhong Wei confirmed Wednesday that he was unsure if Godzilla Vs. Kong was actually this bad or if the Chinese government had simply altered the film. “There are definitely some huge plot holes, and all this stuff about neural networks makes no sense, but maybe the explanation for that part ran into trouble with the censors?” said Zhong, adding that the fact that he was halfway through the movie and still baffled about why any of it took place in Antarctica could really be blamed on either the mediocre script or the Chinese Communist Party’s strict monitoring and frequent editing of Western films. “Overall, it’s felt pretty stupid and boring so far. All the dialogue is really wooden, and Kyle Chandler seems like he’s totally phoning it in. Even the CGI sucked. But you’ve got to give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the censors just cut out all the good scenes because they were offensive to [President] Xi.” At press time, Zhong concluded that the film was indeed censored after its climactic closing scene abruptly cut to black to display a message that Godzilla and Kong were subsequently arrested for anti-government activity.
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