Cinnabon Defends $800 Million Contract To Manufacture Pastries For Saudi Arabia

Photo: The Onion

ATLANTA—Responding to overwhelmingly harsh criticism of their decision to sign a contract worth close to a billion dollars with the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, representatives of the Cinnabon corporation spoke out Wednesday to defend the practice of supplying the totalitarian monarchy with their iconic sweet and flavorsome cinnamon rolls. “After meeting extensively with representatives of His Majesty Mohammed bin Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud, including reviews of their plans for frosting engineering labs and a prospectus of possible churro production lines, we have no reason to believe that the Saudi government has plans to do anything unethical, let alone illegal, with our baked goods,” said CEO Katrina Cole, noting that the remarkably lucrative contract would legally empower the House of Saud to produce over 100,000 cinnamon rolls at malls, kiosks, mutawa Islamic religious police outposts, and airports throughout the region. “We are a global pastry company with bakery facilities in almost 50 countries, and we don’t believe that supplying Saudis with pretzel dippers or CinnaSweeties should be viewed as an overtly political act, let alone a declaration of allegiance. We recognize that putting a Cinnabon Classic or MiniBon in what some may term as the wrong hands can be perceived as dangerous, and perhaps even irresponsible, but our goal has always been to provide gooey, frosting-smothered baked cinnamon treats to one and all. If that means maintaining relations with the Saudis, we view that as a net positive.” Cole reiterated that Cinnabon corporation cannot be held liable for any violations of international law, especially those regarding illegal detainment, torture, or murder of non-Saudi citizens, which directly or incidentally involve the use of their cinnamon rolls.

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