LOS ANGELES—Arguing that the move would technically help decrease inequality across the city, members of the Los Angeles City Council announced Thursday that they hoped building a freeway through a white neighborhood could count as reparations. “We hate to ask, but is there any way that expanding a highway through a traditionally Caucasian, middle-class neighborhood could be considered repayment for past racial injustice?” asked city council member Tina Slater, adding that building the massive six-lane road was guaranteed to evict hundreds of white families, bulldoze several white-owned homes, and damage the health of the remaining white families for generations to come. “We know this can never truly make up for the crimes committed against African American residents, but it will definitely help bring everyone down to the same dire economic circumstances. No, there won’t be any direct repayment to Black families per-se, but you’ll get a front row seat to a bunch of white people having their financial, mental, and physical health irrevocably destroyed. Everybody wins!” At press time, Slater announced that the city council had tossed Black residents another olive branch by offering to chemically castrate white patients.
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