SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning that the planet would continue to experience progressively more destructive storms caused by climate change, a group of the nation’s leading climatologists said Wednesday that humanity’s best hope now is for hurricanes spinning in opposite directions to cancel each other out. “At this point, we believe that the last, best hope for the human race is for two hurricanes whirling in opposite directions at exactly the same speed to neutralize each other,” said National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration researcher Justin Rhee, adding that if one hurricane spinning clockwise and another spinning counterclockwise collided in the Gulf of Mexico, they could theoretically nullify each other and result in calm, clear skies. “According to our research, the mutual destruction of two mirror-image Category 5 storms with winds of 170 mph is really our only hope. Failing that, we’d have to pray that two hurricanes spinning in the same direction would actually unite and begin spinning so fast that they fly off the earth entirely.” Rhee went on to say that unfortunately, it is not outside the realm of possibility for two hurricanes to double their magnitude by stacking on top of each other, or for one hurricane to hurl the other a thousand miles inland to wreak havoc on the Midwest.

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