America's Finest News Source.
We may earn a commission from links on this page.
America's Finest News Source.

Clinton’s General Election Strategy

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Image for article titled Clinton’s General Election Strategy

With the primaries behind them, the presumptive nominees from both parties must now assess how to approach the general election. Here is how Hillary Clinton is strategizing her campaign moving forward:

  • Woo Bernie supporters by becoming 30 percent more curmudgeonly
  • Hold focus groups to help her appeal to a more diverse array of America’s corporate entities
  • Establish strategic headquarters in thousands of swing living rooms
  • Delete folder on laptop titled “Liabilities 1998-2006”
  • Preempt Trump’s wild conspiracy theories by clarifying exactly which former aides committed suicide and which did not
  • Targeted TV ads that remind viewers she can win this thing without their vote if she has to
  • Mothball border wall proposal until inauguration
  • Surprise loyal supporters by dropping into a few quarterly earnings meetings unannounced
  • Go window-to-window in key districts to glare at undecided voters
  • Relax and continue being the trusted, affable woman everyone knows and loves