BOSTON—In the midst of a widespread manhunt that has put the city of Boston on lockdown, CNN released a series of photographs today depicting the three obese Mexican women it claims are the chief suspects in the Boston Marathon attack. “My top-level sources have confirmed that the individuals depicted in these photos planned, coordinated, and put into effect this week’s deadly bombing,” said CNN reporter John King, speaking of the trio of overweight hispanic women, two of whom reportedly died in the late 1990s and one of whom has never actually visited the United States. “If you come across the suspects, please be careful. My sources tell me these women are armed and highly dangerous.” At press time, everyone at CNN was congratulating one another on the good job they’ve been doing.
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