Common Lies Parents Tell Their Children All The Time

No human face can escape the ravages of age, changing children’s visages inexorably into withered ghosts of their former selves.

Better for your kid to think you’re making love instead of one full hour of threatening to divorce each other over an inane argument.

Pynchon’s book actually shared this honor with A Crown Of Feathers And Other Stories by Isaac Bashevis Singer.

Only when a child is old enough should they learn the truth about their 8,000-year-old planet-shaped spaceship.

This lie is particularly tragic because oftentimes parents believe it themselves.

Based on you and your partner’s goblin-like gene pool, this is brazenly false.

The horror of the mass cult suicide and what it suggests about the human capacity for self-destruction is a bit much for little kids, so most parents just say everyone was sleeping.

No matter how many times you tell this lie, your child knows exactly why you were missing that night and why you came back covered in blood.

In a pinch, sometimes it’s best to just pretend that you don’t speak a word of English and cannot understand what your child is saying.

Frankly, the whole religion thing is easier if you are their deity and they have no choice but to obey your every command.

The food at the nursing home is terrible, and the bed sores are getting bad, but you don’t want them to worry.

The truth is, Ben Bailey can hurt you, but that’s a discussion to have when your child is at least a teenager.

This one can really come in handy when bills are due, the house isn’t cleaned, or a neighbor comes to the house complaining about the noise.

Then why do other kids get to eat something called pizza?

Kids pick up on pandering dog shit like K-9 and Curly Sue much sooner than we give them credit.

As adults, you know life is constant, exhausting striving—for what, you barely even know—and that “arriving” anywhere, soon or otherwise, is an agonizing impossibility.

We think you can pretty much read between the lines here.

This explains why 25% of children in the United States are living in a single-parent household.