FORT SMITH, AR—Offering her big smiles and pats on the shoulder as they passed around slices of cake, staff at a local branch office of Belle Point Insurance celebrated employee Kathy Vershbow for her 40 steadfast years of being unable to retire, sources confirmed Wednesday. “It’s been wonderful to see Kathy’s commitment to this place and to a job that, even after all these years, still hasn’t provided her with enough financial security to leave,” said coworker Ben Ikeda, who remarked that with four decades of loyalty to the company, Vershbow had “certainly earned her stripes,” giving her the opportunity to never stop working as a full-time claims adjuster until the day she dies. “I met Kathy when I first started here, and I could tell way back then that she was never going to make enough to one day put in her papers and go off somewhere to enjoy her golden years. Sure enough, she’s still right here and still barely making it from check to check. I don’t know how she does it!” At press time, Vershbow had reportedly been let go and replaced with someone 40 years younger and willing to work for 50 cents less per hour.