LONG BEACH, CA—Marveling at how he had foolishly overlooked the conspicuous tuft of facial hair, sources confirmed Thursday that local man and complete idiot Elliot Weaver, 26, apparently forgot to shave the area between his mouth and nose. “I don’t understand how he managed to get every other part of his face except for his upper lip—what a moron,” said Weaver’s neighbor Alicia Guffman, emphasizing her disbelief that the incredibly stupid man manages to leave his house every day without glancing at a mirror even once. “I could see him missing a spot on his chin or neck every once in a while, but it looks like the fuzz beneath his nose has been growing out for a while, and it’s right in the middle of his face. Talk about clueless.” At press time, sources were shaking their heads in amazement as the total dunce used a small pair of scissors to carefully trim the whiskers surrounding the overlooked region while somehow leaving the unnoticed patch of hair intact.

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